Sometimes Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three older ladies were discussing the problems of getting
older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of
mayonnaise in my hand, in front of the refrigerator, and can't
remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a
sandwich."
The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself
standing on the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my
way up or on my way down."
The third one responded, " Well, I'm glad I don't have that
problem; knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the
table... then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"
Why is Congress like a cold? Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the no's (nose).
We sometimes get all the information, but we refuse to get the message.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you' just don't understand'.
Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's more...
Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it.
Some see things as they are and ask' why?'; I dream of things that never were and ask' why not?'" - George Bernard Shaw
Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
Sometimes I think we are alone in the universe. Sometimes I think we are not. In either case, the thought is quite staggering.
Sometimes too much drink is not enough.
Sometimes you're the bird, and sometimes you're the windshield.
Speak softly and own a big, mean doberman.
Stay in with the outs.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full public view.
Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan.
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.