Song Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was scheduled to go before a firing squad for his crimes. The evening before his execution, he was asked what he wanted for his last meal. He refused the meal completely. The next morning the man was brought before the firing squad. When asked for his last request, the man said he had none. The General in charge of his execution asked him, ''Sir, you refused your last meal and your last request. Isn't there anything you want before you die?'' The man thought for a moment, then said, ''Music has always been an important part of my life. If I could do but one thing before I die, would you allow me to sing my favorite song from beginning to end, without interruption?'' The General thought this was a reasonable request, and ordered his men to lower their weapons and to not interrupt for the duration of the song. ''Ten million bottles of beer on the wall...''

A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, ''If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'' With even greater emphasis he said, ''And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'' And then finally, he said, ''And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'' Sermon complete, he then sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced, ''For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather at the River.'''

CHORUS
Rudolph Got Run Over by my Grandma
just as he arrived on Christmas Day
She had gotten sick and tired of hearin'
that song where she gets trampled by a sleigh.
She'd been listening to the radio
and she nearly lost her breath
yellin' cuss words at the DJ
for playin' that song where she gets hooved to death.
So she set out on the warpath
there was evil in her eye
she said "I'm gonna find that reindeer
and by golly, one of us is gonna die!"
CHORUS
Rudolph Got Run Over by my Grandma
just as he arrived on Christmas Day
She had gotten sick and tired of hearin'
that song where she gets trampled by a sleigh.
Santa Claus had made a landing
on the new expressway
Grandma was doin' 120
with her headlights pointed straight at Santa's sleigh.
'Twas an awful sound of impact
Grandma really nailed him good
There were hoofprints on her windshield
and a pair of ripped-off antlers on her more...

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

(This has been kicking around for so long that I have absolutely no idea
of its origin.)
Documentation Sex Quiz
1. What are the fallopian tubes?
a. Bicycle tires
b. A subway in Italy
c. All of the above
2. What is a urethra?
a. A female black singer
b. The opposite of myrethra
c. Something you hang on your door for Chrithmeth
3. What is an ovary?
a. A book written by Flaubert
b. A passing grade at school
c. A famous WWII song
4. What is fellatio?
a. A person who collects stamps
b. Mr. Hornblower's first name
c. A non-dairy whipped topping popular in Italy
5. What is a testicle?
a. A test to see if you're ticklish
b. One of the two parts of the Bible
c. An octopus' arm
6. What is cunnilingus?
a. A form of pasta
b. The language of love
c. An Irish airline
7. What is a gonad?
a. A cheer for NAD high school
b. A person who wanders from place to more...

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?
If the weather man says "it's a 50% chance of rain" does that mean he has no idea if its going to rain or not?
Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn't they be more specific and say "employees of THIS place only"?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway, aren't they?
Did you know there is a page 666 in The Bible?
If you could walk through the walls, wouldn't you fall through the floor?
What does the T in T-Shirt really mean?
Do birds pee?
What does OK actually mean?
Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?
Why is it called a TV set when there is only one?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about more...

Jimmy was a very smart boy, and he enjoyed church very much, but when
the choir began singing "Gladly the Cross I'd Bear," he didn't
concentrate on singing the song as he should have; instead, he wondered
why Gladly didn't go to an ophthalmologist and why they were singing a
song in church about a woodland animal with an eye problem anyway. (By
Timothy House)
"Mike, I've got a strange tale. Heard it from a Klingon last night, and
I thought the folks might appreciate it."
"It has to do with those two famous characters, Anakin and Luke
Skywalker. The tale concerns that time when Anakin was going by the name
of Vader, specifically the light saber battle they fought in the cloud
city. The depiction of that fight in the Lucas film was fairly accurate,
but it left out a few details."
"It seems that, during the course of the fracas, more words were
exchanged while the two of them were more...