Sophie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Shirley and Sophie are elderly widows. One day they see a new, nice looking guy come into the indoor swimming pool of a building with them.
Sophie says, "Shirley you know I'm shy. Can you go over to the other side of the pool and try to get to know about that guy."
Shirley goes over to the other side and asks the guy "Are you single?"
"Yes, but I been in prison."
"Why?"
"I strangled my third wife."
"What about your second wife?"
"I got in a fight with her and she fell out the window."
"And your first wife?"
"I shot her."
Then Shirley calls to the other side to Sophie and says "Yoo hoo, he's single!"

Sidney was a 14-year-old boy with an interest in the sciences. One summer day he started his own investigations. With his 12-year-old sister Sophie in tow, he caught a large bull frog in a local pond. Sidney started his experiment with the amphibian, and told Sophie her job was to write down the results of the experiment.

Sidney drew a line in the sand, placed the frog on the line, and prodded the frog with a small twig from the rear and shouted, "Jump, frog!" The frog jumped, and Sidney measured the distance. "12 feet... write that down, Sophie," he said.

Next, he brought the frog back to the starting point and removed the frog's right front leg. Again he prodded the frog and shouted, "Jump, frog!" The frog jumped 10 feet, and on instruction, Sophie wrote it down.

Again the frog was brought back, the left front leg was removed, and again "Jump, frog!" Sidney reported, "Six feet... write it more...

One day a teacher asks a blonde student, "Sophie, make a sentence with the words defence, detail and defeat". Sophie replies " the horse jumped over de-fence, de-feet came before de-tail.

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Sophie!
Sophie who?
Sophie come to the end of the lesson!

Dear Aunt Sophie,
My boyfriend just won't leave me in peace for a minute. He does it to me all the time no matter what I am doing. When I am ironing, he lays me across the ironing board and I've got burn marks on my knees to prove it. When I am cooking, he lays me across the kitchen table and does it. I've got knife wounds in my bum to prove it. Please excuse my shaky handwriting.