Sound Jokes / Recent Jokes
Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders.
Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle.
Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag.
Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Ahh-right" or "Naw".
Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be "Dueling Banjos".
The "Recycle Bin" in Winders '95 would be an outhouse.
Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you'd hear a digitized drunk redneck yelling "Freebird!"
Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders '95 theme song would be "Achy-Breaky Heart".
PowerPoint would be named "ParPawnt".
Microsoft's programming tools would be "Vishul Basic" and "Vishul C++".
Winders 95 logo would incorporate Confederate Flag.
Microsoft Word would be just that: one word.
Instead of WWW servers, Microsoft would have KKK servers.
New Shutdown WAV: "Y'all more...
Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A: To get away from the noise.
Q: What`s the only thing worse than a bagpiper?
A: Good question. We`re still trying to find out too.
Bagpipes (noun) - I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made object never equaled the purity of sound achieved by the pig. -Alfred Hitchcock
Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play a perfect unison?
A. Shoot one.
Q. What`s the definition of a minor second?
A. Two bagpipes playing in unison.
Q. What`s the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.
Q. What`s the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A. He can throw a set into the middle of more...
Two jokes on the same theme...
Q: What do you call a guy who hangs out with musicians?
A: A drummer.
Another researcher arrives in Borneo to gather data for his thesis.
Accompanied by his trusty guide, he too seeks out a very remote locale
for researching the mating behaviour of the giant rat of Sumatra.
Around dusk of the first day, he's sitting by the campfire with his
guide when in the distance, he hears tribal drums. They get louder.
The guide announces, "I don't like the sound of those drums."
The dusk turns evening. The drums get louder. The guide says, "I really
don't like the sound of those drums."
Evening turns to dead of night. The drums get louder and louder, until
it is obvious that the drummers must be quite close. The guide says
again, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."
Suddenly the drums stop, and a voice from the darkness cries out,
"Hey man, he's not our regular more...
Dear Bob in Tech Support,
I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever, as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've
tried have always conflicted with it.
I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off, but I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works
okay. GirlFriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Leisure 3.1 and QuietTime programs, often trying to abort them with some sort of timing incompatibility.
I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend more...
Q: How do you make a violin sound like a viola? A: Sit in the back and don't play.
One day, heaven is beginning to fill up (of course due to the population explosion), so St. Peter decides to ask each person a question about the bible before they can enter. Three men stand at the pearly gates, waiting to get into heaven. "How many wise men were there?" St. Peter asks the first man. "Three." He answers, and the trumpets sound, the gates open, and the first man enters.
"How long did the flood last?" St. Peter asks the second man. "Forty days and forty nights." He answers, and the trumpets sound, the gates open and the second man enters. Seeing how easily the first two answered his trivia, St. Peter thinks of a much more difficult question for the second man. Finally, he asks, "What was the first thing E
You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message. This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what and we'll get back you-know-when. Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, all our assholes are busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an asshole return your call as soon as possible. I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person. HI. If you are a burglar, checking to see if anyone is home, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's safe to leave us a message. I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, more...