Sound Jokes / Recent Jokes

I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out. — Bill Hicks

There were 4 guys sitting in a bar. One of them decided to play a little game about what each of them thought was the fastest thing in the world.
Well the first guy says, “I think a Concord Jet is the fastest thing in the world, because it can go faster than the speed of sound. ”
Well the second guy says, “Well I think I got you beat on that one! I think lightning is the fastest thing in the world, because it can go faster than the speed of light and sound. ”
Well the third guy says, “Well I believe i have both of you beat. The brain is the fastest thing in the world, because whenever you need something, it is right there for you. ”
Well the fourth guys clearly states, “Well I have got you all beat! I think the anal sphincter muscle is the fastest thing in the world. ”
The other three guys say really? Why’s that?
And the fourth guys says, “Well I was on a Concord Jet, it got struck by lightning, and I didn’t know what to do … so I more...

Hi everyone.... If u have a cell phone, Recharge ur phone every month freely by following this process Please follow the instruction & you can recharge your SIM card absolutely free. Yes it is possible, see how technology can be used to make technicians fool. I just got a mail from a friend of mine, whose friend is B. Tech.(ETC) from IIT Powai, teaching me how to reload my hand set every month for free. Engineered by a group of rebel programmers. I am going to share this to all of you. Please follow the instructions as stated below before you start it: Applicable for ORANGE (HUTCH), AIRTEL, SPICE & BSNL users only, sorry for idea, BPL and Reliance users and it is done illegally of course. But there are many things that are illegal in this world. But then who cares. Don't worry nobody can trap you. No legal action can be taken on you for this. So go ahead without worrying. You can only do this every 24th & 25th of the month as the network system is under upgrade. 1.) ** Dial " more...

Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders
Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle
Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag
Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Ahh-ight" or "Naw"
Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be Dueling Banjos
The "Recycle Bin" in Winders '95 would be an outhouse
Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you'd hear a digitized drunk
redneck yelling "Freebird!"
Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders '95 theme song would be
Achy-Breaky Heart
PowerPoint would be named "ParPawnt"
Microsoft's programming tools would be "Vishul Basic" and "Vishul C++"
Winders 95 logo would incorporate Confederate Flag
Microsoft Word would be just that: one word
Instead of WWW servers, Microsoft would have KKK servers.
New Shutdown WAV: "Y'all come back more...

Before - You take my breath away. After - I feel like I’m suffocating. Before - She loves the way I take control of a Situation. After - She called me a controlling, manipulative, egomaniac. Before - Ricky & Lucy. After - Fred & Ethel. Before - Saturday Night Live. After - Monday Night Football. Before - He makes me feel like a million dollars. After - If I had a dime for every stupid thing he’s done… Before - The Sound of Music. After - The Sound of Silence. Before - Is that all you are eating? After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey. Before - Wheel of Fortune. After - Jeopardy. Before - It’s like living a dream. After - It’s a nightmare. Before - $60/dozen. After - $1. 50/stem. Before - We agree on everything! After - Doesn’t she have a mind of her own? Before - Victoria’s Secret. After - Fruit of the Loom. Before - Feathers & handcuffs. After - Ball and chain. Before - Idol. After - Idle. Before - He’s lost without me. After - Why can’t he ask for more...

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?"The monks more...

If a Stealth bomber crashes into a forest, does it make a sound?
Merlyn LeRoy
More to the point, if Hellen Keller falls in the forest, does she
make a sound?
A: Only if God can make a barber so big he can't shave himself.