Sound Jokes / Recent Jokes
Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra's performance of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture at an outdoor children's concert. In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited firecracker, which was equivalent in strength to a quarter stick of dynamite, into his aluminum straight mute and then stuck the mute into the bell of his quite new Yamaha in-line double-valve bass trombone. Later, from his hospital bed he explained to a reporter through bandages on his mouth, "I thought that the bell of my trombone would shield me from the explosion and, instead, would focus the energy of the blast outward and away from me, propelling the mute high above the orchestra, like a rocket." However, Paolo was not up on his propulsion physics nor qualified to use high-powered artillery and in his haste to get the horn up before the firecracker more...
A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal- Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00". She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it."
He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman breaks wind big-time. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes more...
Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn? A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes.
My computer made a funny sound the other day. Of course, I've never heard it get thrown out a window before.
Two friends are out on a hunting trip. While Jeff has never been hunting before, Jim has hunted all his life. Jim instructs Jeff to sit by a tree and not make a sound while he goes to check out a deer stand.
He gets a fair distance from Jeff when he suddenly hears a blood-curdling scream. He races back to Jeff and shouts, "Didn't I tell you to keep quiet?"
"Hey, I tried," says a shaken Jeff. "I honestly did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't utter a sound. While that bear was breathing down my neck, I never made a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up the legs of my pants and said, 'Shall we take them with us or eat them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any longer!"
Girlfriend Tech Support E-mail I am currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've beenhaving some problems lately. I've been running the same version ofDrinkingBuddies 1. 0 forever as my primary application, and all theGirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it. I hearthat DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background modeand the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't findthe switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and itworks okay. Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Fishing 97program, often trying to abort Fishing 97 with some sort of timingincompatibility. I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1. 0, butI thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2. 0. Aftermonths of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has hadexperience with GirlFriend 2. 0. He said I probably didn't have enoughcache to run GirlFriend 2. 0, and eventually it would more...
About a year ago my sister, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four-year-old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up.
"They think we have an accent," she replied.
"But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked. "They talk funny?"
"Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r- a-w-n out."
His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"