Sound Jokes / Recent Jokes

My computer made a funny sound the other day. Of course, Ive never heard it get thrown out a window before.

A woman goes to Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. Not knowing which one to get, she just grabs one and takes it over to the cash register where she finds an 'associate' standing there with dark shades on.
"Excuse me, sir," she says, "can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
"Ma'am, I'm blind," he replies, "but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."
She really doesn't believe him, but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a great all around rod and reel and it's $20.00."
"That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter," she replies in surprise. "I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it."
Just as he's about to ring it up on the register, the woman farts. At first she's embarrassed, but more...

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"

Son: "What is politics?"
Father: "Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". Your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her "Government". We take care of your needs, so we'll call you "The People". We'll call the maid "The Working Class", and your baby brothe we can call "The Future".
"Do you understand, Son?"
Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it".
That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parent's room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his more...

Two guys go hunting. Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has hunted all his life. When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand.

After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a blood-curdling scream. He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to be quiet!"

Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really did. When those snakes crawled over me, I didn't make a sound. When that bear was breathing down my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled up my pants leg and said,' Should we take them with us or eat them here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!"

What does a gay frog sound like?
"RUBIT"

What does a japenese artist sound like when he sneezes?
"HI-CUE"

WHY do bald people put holes in there pockets?
So they can rub there fingers through their hair"

There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smells would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air.

Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural function and then would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out."

The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out." That is until one more...

Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra`s performance of Tchaikovsky`s 1812 Overture at an outdoor children`s concert. In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited firecracker, which was equivalent in strength to a quarter stick of dynamite, into his aluminum straight mute and then stuck the mute into the bell of his quite new Yamaha in-line double-valve bass trombone.

Later, from his hospital bed he explained to a reporter through bandages on his mouth, "I thought that the bell of my trombone would shield me from the explosion and, instead, would focus the energy of the blast outward and away from me, propelling the mute high above the orchestra, like a rocket." However, Paolo was not up on his propulsion physics nor qualified to use high-powered artillery and in his haste to get the horn up before the more...