Southern Jokes / Recent Jokes

Imagine, if you will, three temperate southern (US) women rocking away on a porch as the sultry summer's day comes to a slow end. The horizon is awash with the sun's setting hues. A few pesky no-see-ums fly about.The first lady speaks up in her slow, southern drawl and says: "Sisters, I've been thinking. Each of us has a husband whose name is LeRoy. It's been mighty confusing lately. Sometimes when I yell 'LeRoy!!' your husband comes and sometimes yours answers and once in a while mine comes. I think it's time we rename our husbands to end the confusion."Quiet returns to the porch scene only to be interrupted by the creaking of the hold rocking chairs on the loose planks. The first lady again speaks up and says, "I think I'll name my husband 'Seven-UP'". "Why, sister, why are you going to name your husband 'Seven-UP'?" queries one of the old gals."Why, he's got seven inches and it's always up!" replies the first lady. The second lady then muses more...

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated. Please read the following carefully.
I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve the southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the Earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us.
1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that reads:' 'These toys insured by more...

Imagine, if you will, three temperate southern (US) women rocking away on a porch as the sultry summer's day comes to a slow end. The horizon is awash with the sun's setting hues. A few pesky no-see-ums fly about. The first lady speaks up in her slow, southern drawl and says: "Sisters, I've been thinking. Each of us has a husband whose name is LeRoy. It's been mighty confusing lately. Sometimes when I yell' LeRoy!!' your husband comes and sometimes yours answers and once in a while mine comes. I think it's time we rename our husbands to end the confusion." Quiet returns to the porch scene only to be interrupted by the creaking of the hold rocking chairs on the loose planks. The first lady again speaks up and says, "I think I'll name my husband' Seven-UP'". "Why, sister, why are you going to name your husband' Seven-UP'?" queries one of the old gals." Why, he's got seven inches and it's always up!" replies the first lady. The second lady then more...

One day these two fine southern ladies were sitting on the front porch having some iced tea.
One of the women sticks out her hand for the other woman to see, and in her long southern drawl says "Look at this ring my husband gave me. Isn't it nice?"
To which the other woman replies, "Oh that's nice, that's real nice."
The first woman then says, "And just last month he took me on one of them Caribbean cruises."
The second woman again replies, "Oh that's nice, that's real nice."
"Well sweetheart doesn't your husband ever buy you nice things or send you nice places?"
"Oh", the second woman responds, "When we first got married he did send me to etiquette school."
"Why'd he do that?" the first woman asks.
To which the second fine southern woman replies, "Well you see, before, when someone told me about the jewelry their husband gave them, or the trips he sent her on, more...

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes."Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?""Sadness," said the student."And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma."Elation," she said."And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "what about the opposite of woe?"The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up' ".

(Yankee) German Shepherd Dog
(Southern) Poh-leece Dawg (Yankee) Poodle
(Southern) Circus Dawg (Yankee) St. Bernard
(Southern) "Thank Gawd, Here Comes The Whiskey Dawg" (Yankee) Doberman Pinscher
(Southern-2 versions) Bad Dawg, or Dobimin Pinches (Yankee) Beagle
(Southern) Rabbit Dawg (Yankee) Rottweiler
(Southern) Bad Dawg AND Mean As Heck Dawg. Good dawg to guard
the still. (Yankee) Yellow Lab
(Southern) Ol' Yeller Dawg (Yankee) Black Lab
(Southern) Duck fetchin' Dawg (Yankee) Greyhound
(Southern) Greased Lightnin' Dawg (Yankee) Malinois
(Southern) Another kind of Poh-leece Dawg (Yankee) Blue Ticks, Red Bones, etc.
(Southern) Prize Coon Dawgs (Yankee) Pekinese
(Southern) Mop Dawg (Yankee) Chinese Crested
(Southern) Nekkid Dawg (Yankee) Dachshund
(Southern) Wienie Dawg (Yankee) Siberian Husky
(Southern) Sled-Pullin' Dawg (Yankee) Bouvier, Komondor
(Southern) "What The Heck Kinda Dawg Is more...

A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated. Please read the following carefully. I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now serve only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and Michigan. As part of the new and better contract I also get longer breaks for milk and cookies. However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with your local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are a few differences between us... 1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and bumper sticker that reads:"These toys insured by Smith and more...