Space Jokes / Recent Jokes

1) When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow oncoming traffic to pass.
2) Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.
3) The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it.
4) Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.
5) Always look both ways when running a red light.
6) Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn other drivers to speed up and not let you in.
7) Making eye contact revokes your right of way.
8) Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps into the road, speed
up, honk or yell loudly and chase him back up on the curb. Pedestrians have no rights.

A mathematician and his best friend, an engineer, attend a public lecture on geometry in thirteen-dimensional space.
"How did you like it?" the mathematician wants to know after the talk.
"My head's spinning", the engineer confesses. "How can you develop any intuition for thirteen-dimensional space?"
"Well, it's not even difficult. All I do is visualize the situation in arbitrary N-dimensional space and then set N = 13."

Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

Q: Whats delaying the Polish space program? A: Development of a working match.

A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came a New Yorker. "I'm not hiring any wise-ass New Yorker," the foreman thought to himself, so he made up a test hoping that the New Yorker wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.
"Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9.
"Without numbiz?" the New Yorker says. "Dat's easy," and proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ain't you got no brains? Tree' n tree n' tree makes nine."
"Fair enough," says the boss.
"Here is your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The New Yorker stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Dare ya go."
The boss more...

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, “We were the first in space! ” The American said, “We were the first on the moon! ”
The Blonde said, “So what, we’re going to be the first on the sun! The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. “You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up! ” said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, “We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night! ”

Solitaire ‘99
Here is the README. TXT file from Microsoft’s latest software product.
Microsoft Solitaire ‘98
README file, v4. 3
Welcome!
Congratulations!
Welcome to the wonderful world of Microsoft Solitaire ‘98! This classic game has been a Windows fixture for many years, and after a long period of development, we are pleased to announce that it has been updated to take advantage of many exciting, Microsoft- pioneered technologies, such as “long filenames! ”
For years, our users have made demands, and Microsoft has listened. You told us that you wanted an operating system in which Solitaire was a seamless, integrated component. You wanted to blend in Solitaire with how you worked, how you played, and in general, you wanted Solitaire to *define your computing experience.*
Solitaire ‘98 brings this dream to a blissful reality.

System Requirements:
- 266 MHz Pentium II or better
- 800 megabytes of free hard drive more...