Space Jokes / Recent Jokes

And for those of us who are sick of the man-bashing jokes, it's her turn now:
Women think they already know everything, but wait... training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.
8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or more...

Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake, the media will treat it like it's a big deal or something.
EXAMPLES OF BAD PRESS FOR ENGINEERS
Hindenberg.
Space Shuttle Challenger.
SPANet(tm)
Hubble space telescope.
Apollo 13.
Titanic.
Ford Pinto.
Corvair.
Jeff Kennett's hair style
The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:
RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.
REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.
Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.
If that approach is not sufficient to halt a project, then the engineer will more...

Ham radio operators and amateurastronomers spent the weekend bouncing radio conversations off themoon to one another to celebrate the 40th anniversary ofthe Apollo moon landings. Coincidentally, 40 marks the number ofyears these guys have spent without the tender touch of a woman.

An astronaut in space was asked by a reporter, "How do you feel?""How would you feel," the astronout replied, "if you were stuck here, on top of 20, 000 parts each one supplied by the lowest bidder?"

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need to take it out on someone!!! Don't take that bad day out on someone you know, take it out on someone you DON'T know!!! Now get this.

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hanifin and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly.

After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled "You're a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, more...

Editor's Note: I'll warn you, it's in fairly bad taste.

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"Space Odd-Do-Ti" sung to David Bowie's "Space Oddity"

Ground control to Father John
Ground control to Father John
Put your purple shrouds and clean white Nikes on
Ground control to Father John
Commencing reboot, PC's on
Check our Web page and may Ti's love be with you

(lift-off)

This is Ground Control to Father John
We've all had alcohol
Mixed with applesauce and phenol-barbitol
Now it's time to just lie down and end it all

This is Father John to Ground Control
I'll castrate all the men
And rejoin our UFO and alien friend
And we can't wait' til Hale-Bopp returns again

For Rio's speaking for the camera
Far beyond insane
Planet Earth is due for a Y2K review

(break, instrumental)

Though I'm past 100 million more...

Part 4 - (Opearting Systems)
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What kind of operating system is used by a Real Programmer? CP/M? God forbid - CP/M after all, is basically
a toy operating system. Even little old ladies and grade school students can understand and use CP/M.
Unix is a lot more complicated of course - the typical Unix hacker never can remember what the PRINT
command is called this week - but when it gets right down to it, Unix is a glorified video game. People don't
do Serious Work on Unix systems; they send jokes around the world on UUCP-net and write adventure games
and research papers.
No, your Real Programmer uses OS/370. A good programmer can find and understand the description of
IJK305I error (s)he just got in h(er)is JCL manual. A great programmer can write JCL without referring to
the manual at all. A truly outstanding programmer can find bugs burried in a 6 megabyte core dump without
using a hex calculator. (I have more...