Spec Jokes / Recent Jokes

Real software engineers eat quiche. Real software engineers don't read dumps. They never generate them, and on the rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely amused. Real software engineers don't comment their code. The identifiers are so mnemonic they don't have to. Real software engineers don't write applications programs, they implement algorithms. If someone has an application that the algorithm might help with, that's nice. Don't ask them to write the user interface, though. If it doesn't have recursive function calls, real software engineers don't program in it. Real software engineers don't program in assembler. They become queasy at the very thought. Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve executing anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package. Real software engineers like C's structured constructs, but they are suspicious of it because they have heard that more...

Yes, there is a difference in the way the English language is used on the Eastern and Western parts of the USA. This translation guide is said to have been found in an East Coast office of a major computer manufacturer.

Here's a handy guide for those of you who have to deal with vendors, customers, or other divisions on the left coast.


East Coast West Coast

absolutely not maybe
yes maybe
action item by Feb 12 for joe Joe's working on the problem
bozo subcontractor
brawl design review

ignore him, he's new I'm bringing him up to speed
local bar offsite facility
meet me in the parking lot let's take that discussion offline
oh shit thanks for bringing that to my attention
overdesigned robust

punch his lights out constructive confrontation
shut the fuck up thank you for your input
shut up a minute let me share this with you
that's totally incompetent let me build on that more...

Real software engineers eat quiche.

Real software engineers don't read dumps. They never generate them, and on the rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely amused.

Real software engineers don't comment their code. The identifiers are so mnemonic they don't have to.

Real software engineers don't write applications programs, they implement algorithms. If someone has an application that the algorithm might help with, that's nice. Don't ask them to write the user interface, though.

If it doesn't have recursive function calls, real software engineers don't program in it.

Real software engineers don't program in assembler. They become queasy at the very thought.

Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve executing anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package.

Real software engineers like C's more...

Real software engineers eat quiche.

Real software engineers don`t read dumps. They never generate them, and on the rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely amused.

Real software engineers don`t comment their code. The identifiers are so mnemonic they don`t have to.

Real software engineers don`t write applications programs, they implement algorithms. If someone has an application that the algorithm might help with, that`s nice. Don`t ask them to write the user interface, though.

If it doesn`t have recursive function calls, real software engineers don`t program in it.

Real software engineers don`t program in assembler. They become queasy at the very thought.

Real software engineers don`t debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn`t necessarily involve executing anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package.

Real software engineers like C`s more...

Real software engineers eat quiche. Real software engineers don't read dumps. They never generate them, and on the rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely amused. Real software engineers don't comment their code. The identifiers are so mnemonic they don't have to. Real software engineers don't write applications programs, they implement algorithms. If someone has an application that the algorithm might help with, that's nice. Don't ask them to write the user interface, though. If it doesn't have recursive function calls, real software engineers don't program in it. Real software engineers don't program in assembler. They become queasy at the very thought. Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve executing anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package. Real software engineers like C's structured constructs, but they are suspicious of it because they have heard that more...