Specimen Jokes / Recent Jokes

Element
Woman
Chemical symbol
Wo
Discoverer
Adamov Eden
Atomic mass
Accepted as 53.659 kg but known to vary from 40 to 200 kg.
Occurrences
Copious quantities in urban areas.
Physical properties
Surfaces usually covered in painted film.
Boils at nothing, known to freeze without known reason.
Melts if given special treatment.
Bitter if incorrectly used.
Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common 'ore'.
Yields if pressure applied in correct places.
Chemical properties
Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
May explode spontaneously, without prior warning for no known reason.
Insoluble in liquids but activity increases greatly if saturated in
alcohol.
Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
Common uses
Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
Can be great aid to more...

Element: Man
Symbol: Ah (short for Asshole)
Quantitative: Accepted at 7 inches though some
isotopes can be as short as 4 inches.
Discoverer: Eve (discovered by accident one day
when she had a craving for ribs)
Occurrence: Found following duel element Wo,
often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.
Physical properties
Surface often covered with hair bristly in some areas, soft in others.
Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common
Sense,
melts if treated like a God.
Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol).
Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with
Wo.
Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive
to
extremely thick.
Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
When more...

Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted as 118lbs., known to vary from 110 to 550lbs.
Occurence: Copious quantities throughout the world.
Physical properties: Surface usually covered with a painted field and a variety of esthers. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason. Melts when given special treatment. Bitter if incorrectly used. Found in states varying from virgin metal to common ore. Yields to pressure applied at correct points. Chemical properties: Has a genuine affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Absorbs great quantities of attention. VOLATILE: May explode without warning for no apparent reason. Insoluble in water, but activity greatly increased with alcohol. Most common uses: Primarily ornamental, especially in sports cars. Found to be a great aid to relaxation. Tests: Pure specimen turns rosey pink when discovered in its natural state. Turns green when placed next to a fresher specimen. Hazards: Hard to more...

Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.
Discoverer: Adam
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations.
Physical Properties:
a) Surface usually covered with painted film.
b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
c) Melts if given special treatment.
d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
e) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
f) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
Chemical Properties:
a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
d) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in alcohol to a certain point.
e) Repels cheap material. Neutral to more...

Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.
Discoverer: Adam
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with
slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to
seasonal fluctuations.
Physical Properties
Surface usually covered with painted film.
Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
Melts if given special treatment.
Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
Chemical Properties
Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in
alcohol to a certain point.
Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
Most more...

Element: WomanSymbol: WoAtomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.Discoverer: AdamOccurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations.Physical Properties :a) Surface usually covered with painted film.b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.c) Melts if given special treatment.d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care! e) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.f) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.Chemical Properties :a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.d) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in alcohol to a certain point.e) Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.f) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.Uses :a) Highly more...

MATERIAL SAFETY - DATA SHEET
"W O M A N" - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: Wo2
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 118 lb but known to vary from 100 to 500lb
OCCURENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas & trace elements in most others.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Surface is usually covered in a powder or painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, Freezes for no reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied gently to selected points.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Has a great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and most precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without warning for no reason.
4. Softens and takes on a rosy glow when soaked in hot water.
5. Activity greatly increases with saturation in alcohol.
6. more...