Speech Jokes / Recent Jokes
there was 4 blondes and 1 brunett hanging from a rope 500 feet above the ground but there is only enough room on the rope for 4. so brunett gives then this speech telling them she loves them and she will let go. after the speech the blondes clap!
A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper. Once he was travelling to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway department improvements. His coach was the last coach in the train. The train was moving very fast and so sardarjis coach was jerking heavily. This made him not to prepare for the speech. Annoyed by the event, the next day in the meeting, his first point towards improvement of railway department was: "There should not be last coach in any train."
Scheduled to give the keynote address at an important convention, the CEO asked one of his top employees, Schwartz, to write a punchy, twenty minute speech for him.
After the big event, the CEO returned and he was furious. "What's the idea of writing an hour long speech for me?" he bellowed. "Half the audience got up and walked out before I was finished!"
Confused, Schwartz replied, "Sir, I wrote you a twenty minute speech. I also gave you the two extra copies you requested."
It was a bright and cold winter morning, Mom and sister were at the mall so Dad decided it was a good time for a father and son chat about "the birds and the bees" with his 10 year old boy.
"I don't want to know!" the child cried, bursting into tears and runing away to his room.
The confused father followed, and as his son lay face down on his bed sobbing, dad asked what was wrong.
"Oh, Dad," the boy cried, "At age six, I got the' there's no Santa' speech.
"At age seven, I got the' there's no Easter Bunny' speech.
"Then, at age 8, you hit me with the' there's no tooth fairy' speech!
"If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got NOTHING left to live for!"
Reported by Houston Chronicle's Ken Hoffman ;-)
"The most touching part of Cal Ripken Jr.'s speech after breaking Lou Gehrig's major league's baseball record was when he thanked the six most important people in his life: his mother, father, best friend, wife, and two children.
Not every pro athlete could have made that speech.
A few guys would have listed their six most important people as: his first wife, current wife, current girl friend, the women who claims he's the father of his child, agent, and lawer."
In an interview with David Letterman, Carter passed along an anecdote of a translation problem in Japan. Carter was speaking at a business lunch in Tokyo, where he decided to open his speech with a brief joke.
He told the joke, then waited for the translator to announce the Japanese version. Even though the story was quite short, Carter was surprised by how quickly the interpreter was able to re-tell it. Even more impressive was the reaction from the crowd. Carter thought the story was cute, but not outright hilarious, yet the crowd broke right up. Carter was very flattered.
After the speech, Carter wanted to meet the translator to ask him how he told the joke. Perhaps there is better way to tell the joke?
When Carter asked how the joke had been told in Japanese, the translator responded, "I told them, `President Carter has told a very funny joke. Please laugh now.`"
Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he was invited to give a speech. One day, on his way to one of those dinners, he told his chauffeur (who looked exactly like him) that he was dead tired of giving the same speech, dinner after dinner."Well," said the chaffeur, "I've got a good idea. Why don't I give the speech since I've heard it so many times?'' So Albert's chauffeur gave the speech perfectly and even answered a few questions. Then, a professor stood up and asked him a really tough question about anti-matter which the chauffeur couldn't answer"Sir, the answer to your question is so easy that I'll let my chauffeur answer it!"