Speech Jokes / Recent Jokes

Girl: Dad do you believe in free speech
Dad: Of course I do
Girl: Good i'll use the telephone then.

Delivering a speech at a banquet on the night of his arrival in a large city, a visiting minister told several anecdotes he expected to repeat at meetings the next day.

Because he wanted to use the jokes again, he requested the reporters to omit them from any accounts they might turn in to their newspapers.

A cub reporter, in commenting on the speech, ended his piece with the following: "The minister told a number of stories that cannot be published."

A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees.

I don't want to know! the child says, bursting into tears. Promise me you won' tell me!"

Confused, the father asks what's wrong.

"Oh, dad, the boy sobs. When I was six, I got the' There's no Santa speech'. At seven, I got the' There's no Easter Bunny speech'. When I was eight, you hit me with the' There's no tooth fairy' speech. If you're going to tell me that grownups don't really f*ck, I'll have nothing left to live for."

A speech during a confidence motion on the Bharatiya Janata Party by Mr Surjit Singh Barnala of the Akali Dal, who was supporting the motion, was taking up more time than what had been allotted to him.

The speaker, Mr PA. Sangma, urged him to conclude. Surjit Singh Barnala continued his speech saying,' Main aapko jaldi khatam karna chahta hoon" (I want to finish you soon) and left the house in splits.

“You know Bill O’Reilly is in a little bit of trouble with the black folks. … He had dinner in Harlem with Al Sharpton - he must have lost a bet - and he discovered that black people use utensils when they eat. He said he was shocked and delighted to see there was no difference between a black-owned restaurant and a white-owned restaurant. Which is true, because apparently, they both serve crackers” –Bill Maher
“Last week during a speech to the NRA, Rudy Giuliani was interrupted by a cell phone call, which he stopped his speech to answer. Giuliani then told the audience, ‘That was my wife reminding me to pick up some milk at the 9-Eleven’” –Seth Meyers
“The Democrats had a very big week this week. They tacked a hate crimes bill onto the war spending bill. … Apparently, attacks on gays, they said, is also actually terrorism. I don’t have time to explain how this bill works, but next year, General Petraeus will be eligible for a Tony. ” –Bill more...

President Obama chastised the Chinese leadership for China's lack of freedom of speech. To which one of the Chinese leaders replied, "Freedom of speech is dangerous. We've heard Joe Biden speak."

Santa and Banta were enjoying a few drinks down at the local bar, when Santa said to Banta, "If I ask you a question, will you promise to answer me honestly?"
"Yeah, sure thing," replied his friend, "fire away."
"Well," said Santa, "why do you think all the guys around here find my wife so attractive?"
"It's probably because of her speech impediment," replied Banta.
"What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired Santa, "My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!"
"Well," replied Banta, "you must be the only guy who hasn't noticed that she can't say 'NO'!"