Spelling Jokes / Recent Jokes

If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood, and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win? Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult -- for example, cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased program of changes to iron out these anomalies.

The program would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.

In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using' s' instead of the soft' c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy.

Then the hard' c' more...

Thirteen-year-old Katharine Close from New Jersey won the 79th annual Scripps National Spelling Bee, which aired on prime-time television Thursday evening. She won the contest by correctly spelling the word "ursprache," which means ancient language. Close will take home more than $42,000 worth of cash and prizes but, sadly, will never have a boyfriend.

Fred came home from his first day at school. "Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didnt know how to spell cat so I told her"

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

How do you spell wrong? R? o? n? g. Thats wrong. Thats what you asked for, isnt it?

"Please, maam! How do you spell ichael?" The teacher was rather bewildered. "Dont you mean Michael?" she asked. "No, maam. Ive written the M already."