Spending Jokes / Recent Jokes
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said,
"Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."She said, "Aye, what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize, the other night, with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised me self! You know, he's only been there twice! Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
After spending a day entertaining the troops, the all-girl singing group was approached by the base commander.
"Would you girls like to mess with the enlisted men or the officers this evening?"
"It doesn't matter to us," one of the girls replied, "but first we'd like something to eat."
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said that he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed spending time with this mistress, because of the passion and the mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah, if you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you're spending time with the other woman and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
You're spending a lot of time at that computer screen. Have you had your eyes checked? No, they've always been blue!
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" asked the others.
In which the engineer replied, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
A wife arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her
husband in bed with a young lovely thing. Just as she was about to
storm out of the house her husband stopped her with these words.
Before you leave, I want you to hear how all this came about. Driving
along the highway, I saw this young girl looking tired and bedraggled,
so I offered her a lift. She was hungry, so I brought her home and made
a meal from the roast you had forgotten in the refrigerator. She had
only some worn sandals, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you
discarded because they were out of style. She was cold, so I gave her
the sweater I bought you for your birthday - the one you never wore
because the colours didn't suit you. Her slacks were worn out, so I
gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good, but too small for
you now. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and
asked;
"Is there anything else that more...