Spending Jokes / Recent Jokes

Chat between Non smoker & Smoker.
Non Smoker: How many Cigas you smoke per day?
Smoker: One Packet.
Non smoker calculating money spending for smoking..
Non Smoker: Do you now that, from the money that you are spending for smoking for 7 years
can be use to buy your own house?
Smoker: Do you Smoke?
Non smoker: No.
Smoker: Do you have your own house? ???..

After spending a night at a hotel with a prostitute, the politician took$300 out of his wallet and placed it on the dressing table." Thanks," she said. "But I only charge $20." "Twenty bucks for the entire night?" the amazed MP replied. "You can'tmake a living on that." "Oh, don't worry," the whore replied. "I do a little blackmail on the side!"

1. Not spending enough quality time with the kitchen applicances. 2. Came dressed in only a towel... again. 3. Ran out of paper clips. 4. I've decided to telecommute. 5. Ambassador to Belgium is at the White House. 6. It's a long drive home to Texas. 7. One-day sale at Macy's. 8. My brain is melting! 9. I think they found me out... 10. Accidently erased the whole week's work off the computer disk.

Gumperson's Law: The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.
H. L. Mencken's Law: Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Martin's Extension: Those who cannot teach, administrate.
Hacker's Law: The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a nation to action is one of mankind's oldest illusions.
Hall's Laws of Politics: 1) The voters want fewer taxes and more spending. 2) Citizens want honest politicians until they want something fixed. 3) Constituency drives out consistency (i. e., liberals defend military spending, and conservatives social spending in their own districts).
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Hanson's Treatment of Time: There are never enough hours in a day, but always too many days before Saturday.
Harp's Corollary To Estridge's Law: Your "IBM PC-compatible" computer grows more incompatible with every passing more...

This couple just got married and was spending their honeymoon at a secluded campgrounds next to a small lake. Every day the new bridegroom was seen in a boat on the lake fishing. Two old timers who was always setting on the dock thought it kinda funny that the groom was spending all his time on the lake. Well, their curiosity got the best of them and they confronted him when he came in for lunch. The first old man said, " Son when I first got married me and my wife spent every day of our honeymoon in bed... well you know!"The new groom said, "well, normally that's what I would do, But she... well, she's got gonorrhea." The second old man said, " well son haven't you ever heard about oral sex? everybody's doing it these days." The groom says, "yes I have heard about that, but she also has pyorrhea." The first old man looks at the second old man, and they both nod to each other and offered this advice. "Sonny, in times like this you just more...

After spending 20 years in the Marines, I retired and went to work for the department of juvenile corrections, one day while checking students rooms, Ifound a Vietnam youngster, crying I asked him why he was crying, he replied "he missed his father"I thought about it for awhile, after spending 25 months in Vietnam, I set down with him and cryed, because I missed his father to.

More than one out of every five dollars of the $126 million Massachusetts is receiving in earmarks from a $410 billion federal spending package is going to help preserve the legacy of the Kennedys. That's a helluva a lot of money to spend on a bar and whorehouse.