Sperm Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm? A:How do i find the egg threw all of this shit?
What would get your man to put down the toilet seat?
A sex-change operation.
Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they wouldn’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
They won’t stop to ask directions!
Then there was a woman who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late. ”
What do you call a man who has lost 99% of his brain?
A widower.
How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.
What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.
What is a man’s view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.
What do ceramic tile and men have in common?
If you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them for life!
How do you grow your own dope?
Plant a man.
How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote more...
A guy wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun bursts into a sperm bank. He approaches the woman at the desk and screams, "Open the fucking vault!"
"But sir, we don't have any money," she nervously replies. "This is a sperm bank."
"Stop arguing and open the damn safe," he demands, waving the gun in her face. Not wanting to provoke him further, she opens the vault door. "Now, take out one of the bottles and drink it," he shouts.
"But these are sperm samples," she tearfully replies.
"I don't give a damn. Do it!" he demands. So, she removes the cap from the bottle and gulps it down.
He then points to another bottle and tells her to drink that one as well. She takes the bottle out, removes the cap and downs that one too.
After making her do this a couple more times, he whips off his ski mask and she's startled to see that it's her husband. "See honey," he says, "that wasn't so fucking more...
At a Texas University, a Professor had been teaching his students humanreproduction. For an exam, one of the questions was: "Female humans are bornwith a limited number of eggs, while males, during their lifetime, producemillions upon millions of sperm. Why are so many sperm produced?" Oneyoung woman's answer: "Because they won't ask for directions either."
A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor
gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample
tomorrow."
The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him
the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks
what happened, and the man explains, "Well, doc, it's like this. First I tried
with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, but nothing. Then
her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
then with the teeth out, and still nothing. Hell, we even called up the lady
next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."
The doctor was shocked, "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get more...
David Beckham walks into a sperm donor bank,
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Beckham "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call Posh Spice for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Beckham.
The receptionist replies "Well David, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."
One sperm says to the other, "How far is it to the ovaries?"
The other one says,"Relax. We just passed the tonsils."