Spiritual Jokes

With regards to his affair with Argentine divorcee Maria Belen Chapur, Governor Mark Sanford's spiritual advisor Warren "Cubby" Culbertson described Sanford as being "gripped by darkness."
Naturally, Chapur herself blushed to learn that her daily Kegel exercises were a topic of discussion in Sanford's spiritual group.

Q. My shift keys have little arrows on them. Does that mean the *real* shift keys are located above them, and these keys are just little signs to point them out? A. Nope, they're the Real McCoy. The little arrows mean "up", as in "look up at the screen". Your keyboard is telling you to learn to touch type and quit staring at your fingers. Q. What happens if I press both shift keys? A. Even bigger letters may show up on your screen. You should not use this feature, however, because these letters are also brighter, and may cause Screen Burn-In, which would be particularly embarrassing if you were typing something naughty at the time. You might consider obtaining the author's Shift Key Burn-In Protector program for only $139. 95. Or you might not, it's your computer, but don't say I didn't warn you. Q. my religion prohibits the use of shift keys. how can i type capital letters and punctuationA. Discuss alternatives to the shift key with your spiritual advisor. Perhaps more...

The Pope and a lawyer find themselves together before the Pearly Gates.
After a small quantum of time which was spent discussing their respective professions, ol' St. Peter shows up to usher them to their new Heavenly station.
After passing out wings, harps, halos and such, St. Pete decides to show them to their new lodgings.
Only a brief flight from the welcome, Pete brings them down on the front lawn (cloud-encrusted, natch) of a huge palatial estate with all sorts of lavish trappings.
This, Pete announces, is where the lawyer will be spending eternity, (at least until the end of time..)
"Hot Dang", the Pope says to His-self, "If he's getting a place like this, I can hardly wait to see my digs!".
They take flight once again, and as Pete leads on, the landscape below begins to appear more and more mundane until they finally land on a street lined with Brownstone houses.
Pete indicates the third walkup on the left as the Popes new more...

God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

The Pope and a lawyer find themselves together before the Pearly Gates. After a small quantum of time which was spent discussing their respective professions, ol' St. Peter shows up to usher them to their new Heavenly station. After passing out wings, harps, halos and such, St. Pete decides to show them to their new lodgings. Only a brief flight from the welcome, Pete brings them down on the front lawn (cloud-encrusted, natch) of a huge palatial estate with all sorts of lavish trappings. This, Pete announces, is where the lawyer will be spending eternity, (at least until the end of time..) "Hot Dang", the Pope says to His-self, "If he's getting a place like this, I can hardly wait to see my digs!". They take flight once again, and as Pete leads on, the landscape below begins to appear more and more mundane until they finally land on a street lined with Brownstone houses. Pete indicates the third walkup on the left as the Popes new domicile and turns to leave, more...