Spit Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pubtogether. The proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Justas they were about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed ineach of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continueddrinking it as if nothing had happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking itover the pint, yelling... "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"

One evening, Frank was drinking at a bar when the bartender came over to tell Frank that he had a telephone call. Frank had just bought another beer and he didn't want anyone else to drink it. So, Fred wrote a little sign and left it by his beer that read: "I spit in my beer."When Fred returned to his bar stool, there was another note beside his beer: "I spit in your beer, too!"

Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an Army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines. The Soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Soldier, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Marine picked up the Soldier's shoe and spit in it. When the Soldier returned with the coke, the Marine in the middle seat said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too." Again, the Soldier obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Marine picked up the soldier's other shoe and spit in it. The Soldier returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the rest of the short flight to Houston. As the plane was landing, the Soldier slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately more...

You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it for your spit can.
You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.
Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.

You might be a reneck if...

You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it for your spit can.

You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.

Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.

You see a forest fire and think' Bar-bee-Q'.

You've ever strained your tea through a flyswatter.

Your mother is hairier than your father.

Instead of flossing you use a plunger.

You take the back window out of your pickup because it's easier to chuck the empty beer cans in the back that way.

When the back fills up with empty beer cans, you get another pickup and start all over again.

Your grandma can bench press a ruck axle.

The first thing you do in the morning is put in a dip
Your favorite beer is someone else’s
Your cologne smells suspiciously like bug juice
You think a spit shine means to spit on your boots and wipe them on the back of your pant legs
Your kids wear a high and tight and stand at parade rest
You tell the arresting officer that you have just been alerted and you were speeding to work
When you have dinner guests in between paydays, you try to pass off a hamslice as canned ham
You use your spotter scope to pull surveillance at the pool or the Pope AFB air show
You would rather smoke a private then a Marlboro
Your hide site is cleaner than your room
You set up concertina wire around your house to keep trick or treaters away
You spend your free time thinking of ways you would destroy things if you were a terrorist
You never enter a bar without an E&R plan
You consider a “Recon” walking around the bar looking for more...

A man is sitting at a bar, after a few drink he has to visit the john. He does not want anyone to steal his drink. so he puts a sign on it. saying ‘I SPIT IN THIS BEER, DO NOT DRINK’. After a few minutes he returns. There is another sign next to his beer, saying, SO DID I.