Spoon Jokes / Recent Jokes

Suspecting that his wife had a lover, but still having to be away for a day and a night, the very clever husband came up with an idea.
Under their bed, he placed a saucepan filled with milk, and above it, attached to the bottom of the bed, a wooden spoon. By his calculations, the weight of his wife shouldn't be enough for making the spoon reach the milk; but if she had company in bed, the spoon would get a white line, and the affair would be revealed.
So, the next day, as soon as he got home, he went to the bedroom and inspected the result of his plan...
The saucepan was filled with butter!

A little corporate humor----------------------I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water & tableware; he too, sported a spoon in his breast pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters, waitresses, busboys, etc. had spoons in their pockets. When our waiter returned to take our order, I just had to ask, "Why the spoons?" "Well," he explained, "our parent company recently hired some AndersenConsulting efficiency experts to review all our procedures, and aftermonths of statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons dropspoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil; at a frequency of 3 spoons per hour per workstation. By preparing all our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time... nearly 1. 5 extra more...

A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms with his homosexuality and decided to "come out of the closet." His plan was to tell his mother first; so on his next home visit, he went to the kitchen, where his mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden spoon.
Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had realized he was gay.
Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean, homosexual?"
"Well...yes."
Still without looking up: "Does that mean you suck men's penises?"
Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an embarrassed affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and, brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under his nose, snapped:
"Don't you EVER complain about my cooking again!"

A man is flying from Los Angeles to New York. During the meal service, he accidentally knocked the spoon off to the aisle with his elbow. The flight attendant immediately took a spoon from his pocket and placed it on his tray table. The man was very impressed by the promptness of the service and asked, "Do all flight attendants carry a spoon in their pockets?"The flight attendant answered, "We had an efficiency expert in to evaluate our operation. He determined that 25% of the customers knock the spoon off their tray tables. By carrying a spare spoon, we all save trips to the galley and can be much more efficient."Later, as the flight attendant is picking his dirty tray up, the customer asked, "Excuse me for asking but why do you have a string hanging from your fly?"The flight attendant replied, "The efficiency expert determined that we were spending too much t ime washing our hands after we went to the bathroom. To counteract this, we tie strings to more...

A man suspects his wife of having an affair and is worried about a trip he has to take that will mean leaving her alone to do what he long suspected she does on previous occasions when he’s not there.
So he comes up with an ingenuous plan. He knows his wife is a bit lazy on the housekeeping front, and she would never hoover up under the bed, so he gets a bowl of cream, puts it under the bed, and ties a spoon to the springs of the bed in order that it hangs over the bowl of cream.
He arranges the length of the contraption so that if one person lies on the bed, the spoon won’t reach the cream, but if two people were to lie on it, the bowl of the spoon will be covered in cream.
He goes his trip and when he returns his wife is all smiles and asks him how things went and how bored she has been without him.
“We’ll see! ” he says to himself grimly.
When he pulls the bowl out he let’s out a scream!
It is full of butter.

The Lieberman's invited The Gore's for dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Joe announced, "This is Matzoh ball soup."
On seeing the 2 large Matzoh balls in the soup, Gore was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently, the Lieberman's pressed Gore, "Just have a taste. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it."
Finally he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of Matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest, and he quickly finished the soup.
"That was delicious," Al said. "Can you eat any other parts of the Matzoh?"

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As hesat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. Anearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a cleanspoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed, andasked, "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?"The waiter replied, "Yes. We had an efficiency expert here thatdetermined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table.By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented,"Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a stringhanging from your fly?" The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Thatsame efficiency expert determined that we spend 21.4% of our timewashing our hands after using the men's room. The other end of thatstring is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull thestring to get my tool out of my pants, go, and then return to work.Having more...