Spot Jokes / Recent Jokes

Movie Why it works
It is dark, cold and you two can be in close physical proximity for two solid hours. Is this why Titanic, at 3 1/4 hours, was such a hit? Horror flicks or tear-jerkers are even better to elicit more skin contact. What to do
Men: Book a love seat, the ones whose arm-rests can be lowered at the newer cinemas.
Women: Wear a tube top or spaghetti straps, so you have an excuse to snuggle up for warmth. Bookstore Target
Any type you want - sporty, poetic, arty - the right browsers are all categorized neatly into sections. Hunting gear
The-stronger-the-better legs for standing around all day (the armchairs in Borders are always taken up). Acute eye-sight to see what the target is reading. Clubs and Pubs Target
Freewheeling, footloose party-goers who know their margaritas from their Macarena. Hunting gear
The-shorter-the-better clubbing togs. Well-versed in chat-up lines for every situation. Fort Canning Hill Why it works
This more...

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools. An XT clone in a Pentium zone. Another engineering prototype that should not have been shipped. Answers the door when the phone rings. Any slower and he'd be in reverse. - Gignac As a baby his parents stood him on his soft spot. As bent as a corkscrew. As bright as a nightlight / small appliance bulb / tulip bulb. As happy as if he had brains. As happy as the village idiot. As much use as a back pocket in a vest. (Very English.) As much use as a lead parachute. As quick as a corpse. As rare as a nine bob note. (Very English.) As sharp as a marble / bowling ball / beachball / pin head / wet sponge / bowl of Jello / mashed potato sandwich, and twice as smart. As sharp as a sack full of wet mice. - Foghorn Leghorn As smart as a politician/lawyer is honest. As smart as bait / an automatic email responder script. As smart as Christie Brinkley is ugly. As thick as champ. (Irish champ is mostly mashed spuds and cabbage.) As thick as two short planks more...

Things you don't want to hear during surgery:
1. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
2. Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop
3. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
4. Spot! Spot! Comeback with that! Bad Dog!
5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
6. Hand me that... uh... that uh... thingie.
7. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
8. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
9. Damn, there go the lights again...
10. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em.
11. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
12. Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.
13. Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
14. I hope his family won't miss him
15. And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.
16. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
17. Nurse, did more...

Things you don't want to hear during surgery:
Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop
"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"
Spot! Spot! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
Hand me that...uh...that...uh... thingie
Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?
Damn, there go the lights again...
"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em."
Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!
Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.
What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...!
Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donor card?
Don't worry; I think it's sharp enough.
What do you more...

Things you don't want to hear during surgery:1. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. 2. Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop 3. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness" 4. Spot! Spot! Comeback with that! Bad Dog! 5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that? 6. Hand me that... uh... that uh... thingie. 7. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex. 8. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before? 9. Damn, there go the lights again...10. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em.11. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens! 12. Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.13. Anyone see where I left that scalpel? 14. I hope his family won't miss him15. And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape.16. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing! 17. Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card? 18. Don't worry. I think it is more...

Things you don't want to hear during surgery:Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"Spot! Spot! Come back with that! Bad Dog! Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that? Hand me that...uh...that...uh... thingieOh no! I just lost my Rolex.Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before? Damn, there go the lights again..."Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of 'em."Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens! Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...! Anyone see where I left that scalpel? This patient has already had some kids, am I correct? Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donor card? Don't worry; I think it's sharp enough.What do you mean "You want a divorce"! She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!!! FIRE! more...

THERE WAS A COUPLE WHO WENT ON A VACATION TO MEXICO. UPON ARRIVING THE MAN REALIZED THAT HE'D FORGOTTEN TO BRING HIS WATCH. SO HE DECIDED TO ASK AN OLD MEXICAN MAN SITTING ON THE SIDE OF A DUSTY ROAD ALONG SIDE HIS DONKEY. HE SAID,"EXCUSE ME SIR, DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?" THE OLD MAN GRABBED THE DONKEY'S NUTS AND PICKED THEM UP AND SAID, "IT'S 5:15, SENORE." THE MAN WAS SHOCKED THAT HE WAS ABLE TO TELL THE TIME BY THIS RATHER ODD METHOD. SO WHILE OUT AND ABOUT THE NEXT DAY, HE SAW THE OLD MAN AGAIN IN THE SAME SPOT. SO HE DECIDED TO ONCE MORE ASK THE OLD MAN THE TIME. ONCE MORE THE OLD MAN GRABBED THE DONKEY'S NUTS AND SAID, " IT'S 2:47, SENORE." THE MAN HAVING PURCHASED A NEW WATCH VERIFIED THE TIME. HE WAS PERPLEXED. SO THE FOLLOWING DAY, HE AGAIN SAW THE OLD MAN SITTING IN THE SAME SPOT. HE DECIDED HE WAS GOING TO ASK HIM HOW IT WAS HE KNEW HOW TO TELL TIME, SIMPLY BY GRABBING THE DONKEY'S NUTS. SO HE MARCHED OVER TO THE OLD MEXICAN MAN AND more...