Spot Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents.
He has a bad case of gas and really needs to releive some pressure.
Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.
He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there."
The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.
This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."
Two blondes rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. On this particular day they caught over 50 fish. The first blonde turned to her friend and said, "Mark this spot so that we can come back
here tomorrow."
The next day when they were driving to rent the boat, the first blonde said, "You did you mark the spot, right?"
Her friend replied, "Yeah, I painted a big X on the bottom of the boat."
The first one said, "You fool! What if we don't get that same boat today?"
After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead,
run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is
especially good if it's right before your humans bedtime.
Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears
back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done
something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house
for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when
you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)
Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then when
the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at
the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.
Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go 'pee', sniff
around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose
to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the more...
Things you don't want to hear during surgery: 1. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. 2. Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop 3. "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness" 4. Spot! Spot! Comeback with that! Bad Dog! 5. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that? 6. Hand me that... uh... that uh... thingie. 7. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex. 8. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before? 9. Damn, there go the lights again... 10. "Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of' em. 11. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens! 12. Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off. 13. Anyone see where I left that scalpel? 14. I hope his family won't miss him15. And now we remove the subject's brain and place it in the body of the ape. 16. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing! 17. Nurse, did this patient sign the organs donation card? 18. Don't worry. I think more...
Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot, everything but the golf ball. It sat in the same spot.
So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.
Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?"
Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."
A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a BAD case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure. Then, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it. He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there." The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down. This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."
Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow." The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, "Did you mark that spot?" His friend replied, "Yeah, I put a big' X' on the bottom of the boat." The first one said, "You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?"