Spot Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q) How do you spot a happy motorcyclist in fair weather? A) He's got bugs on his teeth.
A reality TV manager was interviewing one person from each of the armed forces for a spot on the new TV show. A soldier came in first and the manager handed him a berretta, and said, "Go into the other room there and shoot whoever it is in there."
The soldier goes in and came back out and said, "I can't do it." He didn't get the spot. Next a sailor came in and the manager said the same thing to him. The sailor went into the room, came out and said, "I can't do that."
He didn't get the spot. Then an Air Force pilot came in and was handed the same berretta and was told to do the same thing. Before he even went in he turned the manager down. Finally a Marine came in and stood in front of the manager at parade rest.
The manager handed him the berretta and told him to kill whomever it was in the other room. The Marine walked in and from behind the door came a loud BANG!! Then what sounded like braking wood and then more...
A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress. The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through the canapes the young man realised he couldn't hold it in one second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escaped. "Spot!" called out the young woman's mother to the family dog, lying at the young man's feet. Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go. "SPOT!" she called out sharply. "I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself, "one more and I'll feel fine." So he let loose a really big one. "SPOT!!!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here before he shits on you!"
WHAT IS THE PIG'S FAVOURITE VACATION SPOT?
ANS: WALLOW WALLOW, WASHINGTON
WHY DID THE LEOPARD HAVE A LOUSU VACATION?
ANS: HE COULDN; T FIND THE RIGHT SPOT.
WHY DID THE ELEPHANT HAVE A LOUSY VACATION?
ANS: THE AIRLINE LOST HIS TRUNK!
KNOCK-KNOCK
WHO'S THERE?
CARL.
CARL WHO
CARL ME A TAXI. I WANT TO GO TO THE AIRPORT.
WHY DID THE MONSTER WANT TO GO SURFING?
ANS: HE WANTED TO HANG ELEVEN!
Santa and Banta went fishing. They caught a lot of fish and returned to the shore.
Santa:' I hope you remember the spot where we caught all these fish.'
Banta:' Yes, I marked X on the side of the boat to mark the spot.'
Santa:' You idiot! How do we know we will get the same boat tomorrow?'
Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him. God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds; "Look son, look what I've made". Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
God replied, "It's a planet and I've put LIFE on it. I've named it Earth and there is a balance between everything on it. For example, there's North America and South America. North America is going to be rich and South America is going to be poor, and the narrow bit joining them that's going to be a hot spot. Now look over here. I've put a continent of white people in the north and another one of black people in the south."
The archangel then said, "And what's that long white line there?"
And God said "Ah - that is New Zealand - the land of the long white cloud and that's a very special place. That's going to be more...