Squirrel Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were on the run from a cop after stealing from a shop. They decided to hide in some trees.
The cop passes by the trees, and he knocks the tree that the redhead was in. She said "squawk, squawk, squawk". So the cop said "Oh, it's just a bird". Then he knocks the tree that the brunette was in. She made noises like a squirrel, so the cop said "Oh, it's just a squirrel". Then the cop goes and knocks the tree the blonde was in and she said "moo, moo, moo". The cop got alerted and so the 3 of them was on the run again.
This time, the decide to hide in some bags. The cop comes by and kicks the bag the redhead was in, and she said "meow, meow, meow". So the cop said "Oh, it's just a cat". Then he kicks the bag the brunette was in. She said "woof, woof, woof", so the cop said "Oh, it's just a dog". Then the cop goes and kicks the bag that the blonde was in, and the blonde more...

The worlds most incredibly lazy man found a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted him three wishes. He wished for a horse, a sumo wrestler and a squirrel. "Theyre yours, but what are they for?" the genie asked."Im tired of walking everywhere--I want to just ride the horse. The sumo wrestler is so that I wont have to work to get on the horse.""But the squirrel?" asked the genie."I need something to go click-click to start the horse!!!"

Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, “Oh, look! A nut! ” The second squirrel jumped on it and said, “It? s my nut! ”
The first squirrel said, “That? s not fair! I saw it first! ”
“Well, you may have seen it, but I have it, ” argued the second.
At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, “You shouldn? t quarrel.
Let me resolve this dispute. ” The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, “Now, give me the nut. ” He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, “See? It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved. ”
Then he reached over and said, “And for my fee, I? ll take the meat. ”

One day Bob stepped into a pawn shop. He looked around but didn`t see anything he liked. Bob was about to leave, when he noticed a stuffed squirel sitting atop a dusty old shelf. Bob said to the owner "Can I have that squirrel?"
The owner said "Yes, sure, on one condition: you must never bring it back."
So Bob took the stuffed rodent and started walking down the street. A few feet later he heard a noise. Bob turned around, and to his surprise, a real live squirrel was follwing him! Bob quickened his pace and walked a little farther, then turned back and ten squirrels were following him! Bob started jogging, but after a little while, he turned back and there was a whole sidewalk full of squirrels!
Now Bob was scared. He ran as fast as he could, and then he got to the ocean. There, at the water`s edge, he took the stuffed squirrel and flung it as far as he could into the brine. And then the whole townfull of squirrels jumped into the ocean!
Bob more...

clever creatures
A visitor to Glacier National Park in Montana lost his car keys while attempting to lure a ground
squirrel by dangling the keys out in front of the critter. The squirrel grabbed the keys and ran down
a hole with them. The keys were never retrieved, a ranger cited the man for harassment of wildlife,
and a locksmith was called to make new car keys.
putting our loved ones at risk for a photo
In May of 1994, Tony Moore, 43, of Marietta, Georgia, was gored and seriously injured by a large male
bison in Yellowstone, next to the Lake Hotel. Moore and a friend had approached to within 15 feet of
the bison to have their pictures taken. While they were standing with their backs to the animal, it
charged. Moore's companion escaped, but Moore received a severe puncture wound in his right thigh and
was taken by ambulance to a hospital in Jackson for treatment.
watching for falling rocks
A visitor setting up camp at Lake more...