Starving Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man is starving in the desert and he comes across a tree with houses in it. He knocks on the door and an old man answers.
AHH, a visitor, said the man. well come inside and ill show u 2 a room. The man went to his room at the highest part of the tree. Oh, and dont have a dream of torture or u shall evoke the Three Chinese Tortures.
So, the man goes to sleep and he has a dream of torture. When he wakes up he has a heavy rock on his chest and a sticky note tied to it. it says: 1st chinese toture, 100lbs rock on chest. So the man picked up the rock and threw it out of the window. A sticky note on the window says: 2nd chinese toture: rock tied to left testicle. The man screams as he is falling out of the room and he sees a chalkoard with the word: 3rd chinese torture: right testicle tied to bedpost. OUCH!!!

A woman was charged with child abuse for starving her 9-year-old daughter, who weighed only 42 pounds when found.
In her defense, the mother said, "There are children starving in Africa, and no one's arresting THEIR parents."
Then she tried, "How about, we're fighting a War on Obesity?"
After living with her grandparents for a month, the child healthily gained 25 pounds.
So she's well on her way to being a perfectly normal teenage girl, right on track to develop an eating disorder that will make her long for her skinnier days.
(Which she'll arguably be more prepared to relive, prompting her mother to say "You're welcome" from prison.)

How can you help a starving cannibal? Give him a helping hand.

These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat.

He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.

He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"

"Hell no!!!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"

The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.

A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat."

And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush.

The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talkin'! more...

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.