Guts Jokes

Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Every morning for 15 years, Bob wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his back and gets up for work.


Every morning for 15 years, Martha says, "One of these days, you're gonna fart your guts out!"


One Thanksgiving morning, Martha is preparing the turkey and gets an idea. Before her husband gets up, she creeps upstairs and places the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling to herself.


Well, later that morning, Bob wakes up and goes through his morning ritual. He screams as he goes running into the
bathroom. Martha laughs, but is concerned after noticing that Bob has been in the bathroom for almost an hour.


She runs upstairs, and is about to knock on the door, when Bob opens up, pale as a ghost. He says, "You were right. You were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God and these two fingers I got them back up there again."

One day an American General, a Russian General and an Indian General were all going to England in a ship. All of them were very boastful.
AG: "I have the bravest and most courageous crew in the world. See for yourselves. Oy, you!" (he called to an American soldier) "Swim around this moving ship."
The American soldier jumped into the sea without a word, and swam around the moving ship and returned.
AG: See the guts!
RG: "Oh, that's nothing. See this. You, (he called to a Russian soldier) swim 5 rounds around this moving ship!"
The Russian soldier also jumped into the sea and swam 5 times around the moving ship and returned.
RG: "See the guts!"
IG: "Oh, that's nothing compared to MY soldiers. You, (he called to Banta Singh) swim 10 times around this moving ship!"
Banta Singh: "Am I your servant?"
IG: "See the guts!"
AG & RG :....!!!

During the reign of Shizong (1522-1567) of the Ming Dynasty, there lived in Wuxi two good friends named Wang Fu and Zhang Xiang, respectively. Both of them were men of plenty of guts and believed in neither ghosts nor gods. One summer day found them drinking in the glow of the setting sun on the bank of a rivulet. Said Wang: "Yonder on the opposite bank a man was interred yesterday somewhere in the burial-mounds. Dare you cross over and drag the body out of the coffin? " " I can do that under cover of night," replied Zhang. "If so, " said Wang, " I'll stand you an urn of wine brewed in the twelfth moon. I'm going to get it now and wait for you. " Presently the sun disappeared below the horizon and Zhang crossed over to the opposite bank of the rivulet. There, among the burial-mounds he found to his surprise a coffin with its lid already removed. Full of suspicions, he approached the coffin to take a close look when all of a sudden a pair of arms more...

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."

Bob and Martha have been married for 15 years. Every morning
for 15 years, Bob wakes up, farts loudly, rolls over onto his
back and gets up for work.
Every morning for 15 years, Martha says, "One of these days,
you're gonna fart your guts out!"
One Thanksgiving morning, Martha's preparing the turkey and
gets an idea. Before her husband gets up, she creeps upstairs
and places the turkey innards in his pajama bottoms, giggling
to herself.
Well, later that morning, Bob wakes up and goes through his
morning ritual. He screams as he goes running into the
bathroom. Martha laughs, but is concerned after noticing that
Bob has been in the bathroom for 3 hours.
She runs upstairs, and is about to knock on the door, when
Bob opens up, pale as a ghost. He says, "You were right. You
were right. I did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God
and these two fingers I got them back up there again."