Guts Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smells would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air.

Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural function and then would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out."

The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out." That is until one more...

A blonde was happily married, but for one thing. Every morning she woke up early and passed gas, waking up her husband. After a few months of marriage, her husband finally said, "you have to stop this". "If you fart any more, you'll fart your guts out".
But when nothing changed, the husband decided to take action and that night he put some pig scraps in her pants.
The next morning, she woke up, farted and quickly went to the bathroom. Two long hours later, she came out and stated, "honey, you were right about me farting my guts out". "But don't worry, I managed to push it all back inside"

There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping one in the morning. He told her that the couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out". The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Christmas morning. more...

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.
Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."

Here is the difference between guts and balls.
Guts is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to just "be there."
Balls is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next."

A red neck couple was having some marital problems. The problem was the old man farted all the time. The old woman said " Honey if you keep on breaking wind like the you are going to blow your guts out"

The old man didn't listen and kept on breaking wind. Well on one thanksgiving morning the old woman was fixing a turkey when she got a hold of an idea. She took the guts out of the turkey and placed them behind her old man while he lay asleep and snuck on back to the kitchen and finished the turkey.

All of a sudden she heard her old man let out a blood curdling scream. She knew why he was screaming so she got a hold of her self and walked to the bed room to check out her old man. When she did she was surprised, because he was standing up against the wall sweating and panting. She asked him" Honey what is all commotion"

He said " Honey you was right, you said that if I keep on breaking wind. I would blow out my guts and this more...

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below....GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say:"You're next."I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.