Station Jokes / Recent Jokes

Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary’s high school love.
They exchanged hellos, and went on their way.
As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, “Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the wife of a service station owner today. ”
She smirked and replied, “No, if I had stayed with him, he would be President of the United States. ”

Why do you never see zebras or antelopes at Victoria Station? Because it's a' mane-lion' station!

12. Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen?
11. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
10. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?
9. No, offi, offic, lucifer... I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.
8. No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110 mph.
7. Back off, Barney, I've got a piece.
6. Want to race to the station, Sparky?
5. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men!
4. On the way to the station let's get a six pack.
3. You'll never get those cuffs on me... You Homo!
2. Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
1. No, YOU assume the position.

Thoughts from a school teacher:
1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you are a mile away and you have his shoes.
2. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...
3. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
4. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
5. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
6. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
7. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
8. I have found at my age, going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.
9. I was thinking about how people read the Bible a whole lot more when they get older. Then it dawned on me they were cramming for their finals.
10. Employment application blanks always ask who is to be more...

12. Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen? 11. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special! 10. If I bend over, will I still get a ticket? 9. No, offi, offic, lucifer... I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.8. No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110 mph.7. Back off, Barney, I've got a piece.6. Want to race to the station, Sparky? 5. I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men! 4. On the way to the station let's get a six pack.3. You'll never get those cuffs on me... You Homo! 2. Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes! 1. No, YOU assume the position.

Thoughts from a school teacher:1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you criticize him, you are a mile away and you have his shoes.2. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a work station...3. I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.4. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"5. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? 6. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? 7. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.8. I have found at my age, going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.9. I was thinking about how people read the Bible a whole lot more when they get older. Then it dawned on me they were cramming for their finals.10. Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of emergency. I think you should more...

When a man stopped at a gas station for a fill-up, the attendant noticed two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
"What's with the penguins in the back seat?" he asked the driver.
"Oh, I found them," the driver replied, "but I haven't a clue what to do with them."
The attendant thought about it for a moment and replied, "Perhaps you should take them to the zoo."
"That's a great idea," the man said as he drove away.
The next day, the same man returned to the same gas station and the attendant noticed the penguins were still in the car.
"I thought you were going to take them to the zoo," he said.
"I did," the driver replied. "We had such a great time so today I'm taking them to the beach."