Stealing Jokes

A young lad is caught stealing soap from the local soap factory. When the case comes to court the judge decides to make an example of him to discourage other youths from a life of crime.
Judge: "Well, what have you to say in your defense?"
Boy: "Only that I'm sorry your honor."
Judge: "Hrmph. I sentence you to 10 years hard labor, starting immediately."
Boy: "But sir, it was only a few bars of cheap soap!"
Judge: "Consider yourself lucky! - It could have been life boy."

All my money is an electronic blip.
Someone will realize that I am overpayed.
They will find out that I am only a parasite, but I make to much to give it up.
There are more of them than us.
I need to make as much as I can as quickly as I can while this opportunity lasts.
They may stop thinking that they are inferior.
God gave me my money, so no one has the right to take it away
There are so many more of them than us.
You can't trust politicians, they will take your money and still raise your taxes.
My lawyer is stealing from me.
My employees are stealing from me.
My chideren are stealing from me.
The Russians may go Communist again.
They might realize that no one controls the economy.
The Market will crash, and I won't be short.
Ralph Nader is running for President.
The Chinese may go Communist again.
There are so many more of them than us.
My kids will grow up gay and take Negro lovers.
There are so many more more...

A burgler walked into a quiet little house at the end of a road.
He was stealing diamonds when he hears
"Jesus is watching you"
The guy freaks and turns around, seeing nothing he goes back to stealing diamonds.
And again he hears
"Jesus is watching you"
He turns around again and this time sees a parrot in a corner cage saying
"Jesus is watching you"
The guy gets all embarrassed about freaking out over a little parrot and says
"who do you think you are"
the bird replies
"Moses"
"What kind of idiot names their bird Moses"
"The same idiot who named their pitbull Jesus"

Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
"Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine."
"Why? " asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for? "
"Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole."

What did the police officer say when he saw Frosty stealing?
"Freeze!"