Stealing Jokes / Recent Jokes
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury aquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
"Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine."
"Why? " asked the judge. "He won your aquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for? "
"Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole."
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.January 12, 1993Long Beach police arrested two small, skinny men in October and charged them with stealing six 45-pound barbells from the Buffum-Downtown YMCA.The men were struggling to keep the barbells in a small cart that kept tipping over because they were not strong enough to steer it.
My problem is that I keep stealing things when I go Christmas shopping. Can you give me something for it! Doctor: Try this medicine... and if it doesnt work come back and bring me a new video camera.
Recently, somewhere in the US a teacher gave his class a not-too-kosher maths test which landed him in the proverbial soup. The original was edited and given to the class in all seriousness (I think). But there was some logical reasoning behind it!
Many people claim the reason innner city students do poorly on standardized tests is because the tests are culturally biased as part of an evil white surburbanite plan. This is of course a much more likely explanation than the idea that drugs, running gun battles and teen pregnancy are disruptive to education.
So, here's a culturally normalized standard test.
City of East Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Final Exam
Name:____________
Alias:____________
Gang:____________
Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots, and he shoots 13 times at every drive by shooting, how may drive by shootings can he attend before he has to reload?
Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells more...
The Top 10 Things You Should Not Say To A Security Guard When Caught Stealing Coins From A Mall Fountain
& & 1. "Isn`t there a robbery at the Orange Julius you should be investigating?"
& & 2. I`m searching for a hard to find 1998 nickel."
& & 3. "DUH!! The Gap is having a sale!"
& & 4. "Did you know that it now costs 35 cents to make a phone call?"
& & 5. "Thanks idiot... I had just made a wish that I could clean the fountain out and not get caught! Way to ruin that wish!!"
& & 6. "Have you seen that really cool gumball machine in the food court? It rolls down a spiral ramp!"
& & 7. "I`m at the last level of Mortal Kombat IV and I need another quarter."
& & 8. "I`m trying to match the exact amount of your worthless paycheck you Barney Fife wannabe!"
& & 9. "See.. I need a quarter to make a phone call to my Kleptomaniacs Anonymous sponsor and that`s why I`m more...
"Doctor I keep stealing things. What can I do?"
"Try to resist the temptation but if you can't, get me a new television"