Steel Jokes / Recent Jokes

Low-bandwidth as an information source.

Lugnuts rattling in the hubcaps.

Made a career out of mid-life crisis.

Mainspring's wound too tight.

Makes a black hole look bright.

Makes predictions that make weathermen/economists look good.

Memorized every Dr. Seuss story written.

Mental software is Version 1. 0 / still in beta test.

Mentally qualified for handicapped parking.

Metronome needs oil.

Might still be a virgin except for what nature did to her mind.

Mind like a steel sieve.

Mind like a steel trap -- everything gets mangled / full of mice / nothing in, nothing out / rusted shut.

Missing a few buttons on his remote control.

Missing a few catalog cards / gears / marbles.

What part of the human body," asked the anatomy professor, "is harder than steel?" Nobody in the class volunteered the information, so he looked in the direction of a sweet coed and asked, "Can you tell me, Miss Riley?"
She blushed a deep scarlet and lowered her eyes, murmuring, "Oh, please don't ask me to answer that, professor!"
Crisply, he said, "The answer is the tissue of the nails. And you, Miss Riley," he added with a sigh, "are an optimist."

Lights not burning too bright. Like a barometer -- vacuum at the top. Like a loose-leaf folder in winter. Like a one-armed man climbing a rope. Likes dunking for french fries. Little red choo-choo's gone chugging' round the bend / jumped the track. Lives in La-la-land. Lives in the same world, but a different universe. Living proof that nature does not abhor a vacuum. Long on dry wall, short on studs. Looking for a nickel in the corner of a circular room. Looks for the "Any" key. Loose chip on the microprocessor board. Loose wire to his headset/ringer. Low on thinking gas. Low-bandwidth as an information source. Lugnuts rattling in the hubcaps. Made a career out of mid-life crisis. Mainspring's wound too tight. Makes a black hole look bright. Makes predictions that make weathermen/economists look good. Memorized every Dr. Seuss story written. Mental software is Version 1. 0 / still in beta test. Mentally qualified for handicapped parking. Metronome needs oil. Might still be more...

A Pittsburgh steel worker was driving through northern Californias apple country. He stopped at an orchard and asked the owner, "How much are yer apples?" "All you can pick for one dollar," said the rancher. "Okay," said the Pennsylvanian. "Ill take two dollars worth."

Mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in most states.

In 1923, do you know who was:
President of the largest steel company?
President of the largest gas company?
President of the New York Stock Exchange?
Greatest wheat speculator?
President of the Bank of International Settlement?
Great Bear of Wall Street?
The winner of the US Open and PGA Tournaments?
These men were considered among the world's most successful. At least they were at the peak of their money making careers. Now, more than 55 years later, do you know what became of them???
The President of the largest steel company, Charles Schwab, died a pauper.
The President of the largest gas company, Edward Hopson, became insane.
The President of the NYSE, Richard Whitney, was released from prison to die at home.
The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cooger, died abroad, penniless.
The president of the Bank of International Settlement shot himself.
The Great Bear of Wall Street, Cosabee Rivermore, died a suicide.
Gene more...

Bill goes to visit his doctor on his birthday, a look of concern quite evident on his face. The doctor says, "Hey there, Bill. What seems to be the problem?"

"Well, Doc," Bill replies, "It's a little embarrassing.

You see, when I was 14, my erections were like solid steel... I couldn't bend them down or from side to side."

The doctor nodded.

"When I was 24," Bill continued, "I found I could bend my erections down just a bit."

The doctor nodded.

"When I was 34, I found I could bend them a couple of inches down, and at least an inch to either side."

The doctor nodded once again.

Bill went on, "And now that I'm 44, I find that I can bend my erections almost all the way down and side to side. So, Doc, I'm really worried, and I have just one question to ask you."

"And what would that be, Bill?" replied the more...