Stern Jokes / Recent Jokes

A judge in his golden years decided that retirement had become too boring. So he volunteered as a librarian at his local library branch.
A week later, his supervisor, a stern woman in her sixties, called him into her office.
She cleared her throat and said, “You know, I appreciate that when you were a judge you were stern with lawbreakers. And you carry that with you to your new job, which is commendable. But when someone owes an overdue fine, you can’t just…”
The judge interupted… “I had to throw the book at him or he would think I was soft. ”
“I know, ” said the librarian, “but the Oxford English Dictionary? ”

Anna Nicole Smith's boyfriend Howard K. Stern and two doctors were charged with giving thousands of prescription drugs to the former Playboy Playmate. Yesterday Rush Limbaugh posted bond for Stern and hired him as his housekeeper.

Rabbi Stern rides his bike down the road, when a truck careens around =the corner, out of control, and broadsides the Rabbi.Father Flannery watches this event unfold, and as he runs toward the =Rabbi, he notices that Rabbi Stern first touches his forehead, then his =stomach, then each shoulder. As Father Flannery reaches the Rabbi, he =kneels and makes the sign of the cross himself."Rabbi, I notice that you crossed yourself after getting up from the =accident. It's a miracle, must be! Have you seen the light? Do you =believe, man?""Aw, heck no!" replied Rabbi Stern, "I was just checking.""Checking? Checking for what?"Rabbi Stern begins the ritual again, and follows each movement with: ="Spectacles... Testicles... Wallet... Watch!"

Rabbi Stern rides his bike down the road, when a truck careens around =the corner, out of control, and broadsides the Rabbi. Father Flannery watches this event unfold, and as he runs toward the =Rabbi, he notices that Rabbi Stern first touches his forehead, then his =stomach, then each shoulder. As Father Flannery reaches the Rabbi, he =kneels and makes the sign of the cross himself."Rabbi, I notice that you crossed yourself after getting up from the =accident. It's a miracle, must be! Have you seen the light? Do you =believe, man?""Aw, heck no!" replied Rabbi Stern, "I was just checking.""Checking? Checking for what?"Rabbi Stern begins the ritual again, and follows each movement with: ="Spectacles... Testicles... Wallet... Watch!"

It was the first day of school after summer vacation.
The kids had all arrived in the high school sophomore English class, and were chatting away, making new friends.
THEN¦In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats.

The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids.
After about a minute or so, he spoke...
"From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom.
You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework.
Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter.

The first one is "gross"
And the other one is "cool"
Are there any questions?"

After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the