Steven Wright Jokes / Recent Jokes

I got picked up by one of those huge trailer trucks carrying 20 brand new cars. I climbed up the side of the cab and opened the door. The guy said, "I don`t have much room up here, why don`t you get into one of the cars out back." So I did. And he was really into picking people up because he picked up 19 more. We all had our own cars. Then he went 90 miles per hour and we all got speeding tickets.

You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that`s part of the experiment? I`m like that all the time.

I tried to draw my shadow once, but I couldn`t. My arm kept moving.

I wrote a song, but I can`t read music so I don`t know what it is. Every once in a while I`ll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don`t accidentally walk through into another dimension.

I`ve been doing a lot of abstract painting lately. Extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas. I just think about it.

I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of a Ouija board. You`d think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.