Steven Wright Jokes

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. Then I filled my humidifier with wax, and now my room is all shiny.

I like to pick up hitchhikers. When they get in the car I like to say, "Sooo, how far did you THINK you were going anyway?", or "Put on your seat belt. I want to try something. I saw it once in a cartoon, but I think I can do it."

I got up one morning and couldn`t find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can`t find my socks." She said, "They`re behind the couch." And they were!

I`m writing a book. I`ve got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.