Sticking Jokes / Recent Jokes

There is this guy who really takes care of his body. He lifts weights and jogs every day.
One morning he's looking in the mirror, admiring his body, as is his habit. He notices, however, that he has an even, golden-brown tan all over his body with the exception of his dick, which is completely white. He immediately decides to do something about it.
He goes to the beach early in the morning, and completely undresses, then buries himself in the sand, except for his snow-white member, which he leaves sticking out of the sand, liberally coated with sunscreen.
A while later, as the sun rises above the yardarm, two elderly ladies are strolling along the beach, one of them so rickety she is using a cane. They walk right up to where the man is buried, and notice his dick sticking out of the sand. One of the old ladies begins to poke his dick around with her cane.
She turns to her companion and says, "There really is no justice in the world."
Her friend looks at more...

3 guyz get captured by canibals and the canibals took the 3 guyz 2 the king canibal deep within a forest. The king canibal says,"we will not eat you guyz on one condition, if each of you can get 10 of the same fruits and stick them up your butt hole without making any facial expression, we will let you live." So the 3 guyz went out into the forest to find fruits. The first guy came back with 10 apples and came back to the king. He started sticking the apples up his but, 1, 2, 3, one pops out and he yelled,"ouch! So they ate him and he died. The second guy came back with grapes, he started sticking them up his butt, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9... he laughed. so he got eaten and died. The 2 guyz met in heaven and the first guy says,"hey u almost had it why did u laugh? The second guy says," HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, because i saw the second guy coming with pinapples!!!

Type every word in a different font. Alternate really big fonts with really small fonts.Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual.Write the entire paper on Post-it notes and turn it in by sticking them all over the professor's door.Switch the names of prominent history figures with the names of your friends, classmates, etc. Claim that your roommate led the Spanish Armada.Write a paper discussing why Michelangelo got to be a Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtle, but Van Gogh didn't. Discuss whether Van Gogh would have used nunchakus or katanas.Write your paper by cutting out words from magazines and sticking them on the page, ransom-note style.End the paper with "This paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds."Perfume the paper with catnip. Explain that it was to keep your dog from eating it.If assigned a paper in philosophy class, explain that you can't do the paper because you're not sure if the class really exists, or if it and the professor are just illusions created more...

There is this guy who really takes care of his body. He lifts weights and jogs six miles every day.One morning he looks into the mirror and admires his body and notices that he is suntanned all over with the one exception of his penis, which he readily decides to do something about.He goes to the beach, completely undresses and buries himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he leaves sticking out.Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the thing sticking out of the sand, she begins to move it around with the cane. Remarking to the other little old lady, she says, "There is really no justice in the world."The other little old lady says, "What do you mean by that?"The first little old lady says, "Look at that - When I was 20 - I was curious about it. When I was 30 - I enjoyed it. When I was 40 - I asked for it. When I was 50 - I paid for it. When I was 60 - I prayed for it. When I was 70 - I forgot about it. more...

Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and he was flat on his back with his legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad, our rooster's dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee, Dad, that's great," said little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't have been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"