Stone Jokes / Recent Jokes
And they brought to Jesus the woman caught in adultery and said "This woman has just been caught committing adultery. The law of Moses says she should be stoned to death. What do You say?"
And Jesus said to them: "Let ye who art without sin cast the first stone." Then he turned and began to write in the sand.
A huge rock flew out of the crowd and hit the poor woman in the head.
Jesus turned and said: "Mother!"
An old, bearded shepherd, with a crooked staff, walks up to a stone pulpit and says …
And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, “Why doth thou travel far, from town to town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent? ” And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, “How, Dear? ”
And Dot replied, “I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery by Uriah’s Pony Stable (UPS). ”
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums, as long as he could have more...
A stone was placed at a ford in a river with the inscription:
"When this stone is covered it is dangerous to ford here."
Two boys named Billy and Joey sneak up to the window of a neighbor's house.
As they peek into the window they see the newly-weds that live there getting hot and heavy. The boys watch the show for a few minutes, when the husband takes the blouse off of his new bride.
Suddenly Joey jumps back with a horrified look on his face, and runs away as fast as he can.
Billy shrugs and goes back to watching the couple.
After about 20 minutes the Billy finds Joey sitting on his porch looking a little shaken up, and asks him "What was that all about? Why did you take off like that, you missed a great show!"
To which Joey replies " My momma told me that if I ever watched anything like that I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard!"
A Scottish old timer in Scotland, in a bar, talking to a young man.Old Man speaks; "Lad, look out there to the field. Do ya see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months. But do they call me McGreggor-the Fence-Builder? Nooooo!"Then the old man gestured at the bar."Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labor, for eight days. But do they call me McGreggor-the Bar Builder? Nooooooo!"Then the old man points out the window."Eh, Laddy, look out to sea... Do ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board. But do they call me McGreggor-thePier-Builder? Nooooo!"Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one is paying attention and says: "But ya fuck one goat... "
He who is without sinJesus saw a crowd chasing down a woman to stone her and approached them. "What`s going on here, anyway?" he asked."This woman was found committing adultery, and the law says we should stone her!" one of the crowd responded."Wait," yelled Jesus. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."Suddenly, a stone was thrown from out of the sky, and knocked the woman on the side of her head."Aw, c`mon, Dad..." Jesus cried, "I`m trying to make a point here!"