Stone Jokes / Recent Jokes

This story tells of two friends walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face.
The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:
"TODAY, MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE"
They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath.
The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:
"TODAY, MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE"
The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand, and now, you write on a stone. Why?"
The other friend replied, "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. When someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone, where no more...

Jesus walks upon a crowd with an adulteress crouching in a corner with a mob around her preparing to stone her to death.

Jesus stops them and says, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!"

Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fires off a stone at the adulteress and blasts her right in the head.

At which point Jesus looks over and says...
"Mother! Sometimes you really TICK ME OFF!"

Amazon Explorer (rated)
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm fucked."
There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out, "No, you are not fucked. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living crap out of the chief. As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, God's voice booms out again, "Okay.. .. NOW you're fucked."

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself' Oh God, I'm screwed!!!!!.'

There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out:' No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you.'

So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.

As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces,

God's voice booms out again:' Okay. .... NOW you're screwed.'

Once A Lady And Her Son Were Walking Down The Road, When The Child Started Eating A Candy But In Between His Candy Dropped On
The Ground. His Mother: Do Not Eat This Candy i'll Buy You More. Later The Lady Her Son And Her Husband Were Going To Their
House When The Man Fell Down By Tumbling Over A Stone. The Son: Mother Do Not Pick Him. We Will Buy Another Father!!!

Johh Major, Tony Blair and Paddy Ashdown are all killed in a plane crash.
St. Peter welcomes them to the after life and shows down this seemingly infinetely long corridor with doors down both sides. Eventually they stop at a door behind which is a stone cell with only a stone furniture. "For all the sins in your lifetime Paddy Ashdown" says St. Peter "this is your home for eternity." With that he pushes Paddy in and locks the door.
Further down the corridor is another room. Its all bare wooden furniture but there is some food on the table and access to the library. "For all your sins Tony Blair, this is your room for eternity" booms St. Peter locking the door.
Further, much further down the corridor St. Peter shows John Major into a room. Its pleasantly decorated, lots of food laid out and Cindy Crawford is there wearing hardly a thing. A smile (well the best attempt he can make) creeps over John Majors face.Then St. Peter says "Cindy more...

An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a blood thirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh God, I'm screwed." There is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you." So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the life out of the chief. He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their faces. The voice booms out again: "Okay. . . . NOW you're screwed."