Stone Jokes / Recent Jokes
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying his situation, he says quietly to
himself, "I'm screwed."
There is a ray of light from the sky and a voice booms out: "No you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone in front of you and bash the head of the chief."
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceedes to bash in the head of the chief. He is breathing heavily while standing above the lifeless body.
Surrounding him are the 100 native warriors with a look of shock on their faces. The voice booms out again:
"Okay... NOW you're screwed!"
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself "Oh God, I'm screwed!!!."
There is a ray of light from heaven and a voice booms out: "No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the living heck out of the chief.
As he stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 natives with a look of shock on their faces, Gods voice booms out again: "Okay... NOW you're screwed."
A stone thrown at the right time is better than gold given at the wrong time.
A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real painintheass, constantly complaining:' The bus seats are uncomfortable.'' The food is terrible.'' It's too hot.'' It's too cold' The accommodations are awful.' You have surely known her, and/or too many like her.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.
' Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone,' the guide said.' Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow.'
' We can't be here tomorrow,' the nasty woman shouted.' We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone.'
' Well now,' the guide said,' it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune.'
' And I suppose you've kissed the stone,' the woman scoffed.
' No, ma'am,' the frustrated guide more...
Post-wedding conversation
Rachel was talking to her best friend Sadie. Rachel asked, “So, Sadie, how’s the bride?”
Sadie replied, “To tell you the truth, Rachel, not good. She’s so unhappy, she’s lost two stone already.”
Rachel then asked, “So why doesn’t she leave him?”
Sadie replied “Because she wants to lose two and a half stone!”
One day a crowd of people were throwing stones at a hooker. Jesus stepped forth and said, "May he who is without sin, cast the next stone." All the people looked at Jesus, and began to feel bad and turn away. Suddenly, a woman stepped forward, picked up a stone, and nailed the hooker right between the eyes. The crowd looked at the woman in disbelief, and Jesus also looked at her. "What?" the woman said. Jesus nodded his head and replied, "You don't count mom!"
How did the hail stone describe its life?-It really has a lot of ups and downs