Stranded Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two salesmen, Joe and Mike were stranded by a winter storm and took refuge in an old farmhouse occupied by an attractive single woman.
In the middle of the night, Joe heard Mike sneak out of bed and into the woman's room. Joe said nothing about it until nine months later when a registered letter arrived at his office.
Clutching the letter, he walked into Mike's office. "Do you remember the night we were stranded by that snowstorm and you sneaked out of your room to be with that woman?" he asked.
"Yes," Mike replied.
"You told her you were me, didn't you?" Joe demanded.
"Yes, I did," Mike said nervously. "Why do you ask?"
"Because," Joe replied, "she just died and left me a fortune!"
Two lawyers had been stranded on a deserted island for several months. The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided their food.
And each day, one of the lawyers climbed to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming.
One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "Wow. I can't believe my eyes. There is a girl out there floating in our direction."
The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "I think you're hallucinating and you should come down right now."
So, the lawyer reluctantly climbed down the tree and told his friend that he had just actually seen a naked blonde woman floating face up... headed toward their island. The other lawyer started to laugh, thinking his friend had surely lost his mind. But within a few minutes, up to their beach floated a naked blonde woman, face up, and totally unconscious.
The two lawyers went over to her and discovered, yes she was alive. One said more...
Three friends were stranded on a desert island. After several weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were beginning to lose heart. Suddenly, a bottle floated into the shore and a beautiful genie popped out. She said "I have three wishes to grant. Each of you gentleman can make one wish come true." Friend number one got excited. He said "I wish I was in Las Vegas with dice in one hand and a drink in the other, surrounded by music, food, and beautiful women." Instantly he was gone, his wish granted. Friend number two smiled and said, "I wish I was back home right now with my wonderful wife and our two small children, at our log cabin in the woods sitting in front of the fire and singing Christmas carols together." Just like that, he disappeared. The genie asked the remaining man, "And what do you wish for?" He answered, "Gee, I wish I had my buddies back to help me dec ide..."
A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "Its not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "Its not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "Its not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since youve had a cigarette?""Ten years!", he says. She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!" Then she asked, "How long has it been since youve had a drink of whiskey?" He replies, "Ten years!" She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, thats more...
A man was stranded on a desert island for twelve years. One day, as he was sitting on the beach, a beautiful woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear suddenly emerged from the water.
She approached him and asked, "Would you like a cigarrette?"
"Oh, yes!" replied the surprised man. "It's been twelve long years since I've had a smoke."
She unzipped a pocket in her wet suit, pulled out a pack of cigarrettes and gave him one. After lighting it, he took a long drag and said, "Boy, that sure is good."
"Would you care for a drink?" she asked.
"You bet! It's been twelve long years since I've had a drink," he replied.
She then unzipped another pocket, pulled out a flask of scotch and gave it to him. After taking a few long gulps, he said, "Man, that is sweet!"
"Now," she asked seductively, "would you like to play around?"
"Hallelujah!" he exclaimed, tears forming more...
A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's attention. The boat comes near the island and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man. After awhile the sailor asks, "What are those three huts you have here?" "Well, that's my house there." "What's that next hut?" asks the sailor. "I built that hut to be my church." "What about the other hut?" "Oh, that's where I used to go to church."
There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced,
"I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore
was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too more...