Stress Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. You - Off my planet 2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we? 3. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. 4. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. 5. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...? 6. I' m not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for over 30 years. 7. Allow me to introduce my selves. 8. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. 9. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. 10. I'm just working here until a good fast-food job opens up. 11. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 12. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep. 13. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one. 14. How many times do I have to flush before you go away? 15. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong? 16. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2? 17. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 18. Chaos, panic, and disorder- my work here is done. 19. Earth is full. Go home. 20. Is it time for your medication or more...

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said,' Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die.'
'Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress.'
'Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Try to relax your husband in the evening by being pleasant and giving him plenty of back rubs. Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television.'
'And, most importantly satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.'
On the way home, the husband more...

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, you should satisfy his every whim sexually several times a week."
"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"
"You're going to die," she replied.

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, you should satisfy his every whim sexually several times a week."
"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"
"You're going to die," she replied.
Thanx to Anne Park.

A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange."
Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange.
Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."
Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?"
The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago.
The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress.
Guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening."
"I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy." So the doc figures this isn't the reason.
He asks the guy, "How's your more...

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"You're going to die," she replied.

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"
"He said you're going to die," she replied.