String Jokes / Recent Jokes

A string walks into a bar, hops on the bar stool, and says, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender says, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here." Disappointed, the string hops down from the stool and goes to the next bar. He hops on the bar stool and says, again, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender says, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here." The string continues down the row of bars in this fashion. At every bar, he hops on the barstool and says, "Bartender, gimme a beer." Each time, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve strings here." Finally he gets to the last bar in the area. He's tired, he's sweaty, all he wants is a beer. He trudges inside, climbs on the barstool, and says, "Bartender, gimme a beer." The bartender says, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve strings here." Pissed off, the string walks outside to think. He's a hard-working string. He deserves a beer. Finally, he comes up with an more...

This one will perhaps only be good for your more advanced students.
A piece of string walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The barman refuses to serve him saying rudely,' Sorry but we don't serve the likes of you. Get out!'
The piece of string leaves the bar feeling glum, he walks down the road and then he sees two girls who he asks for help.' Please,' he says to one of the girls, would you tie a knot in me?' This she does.' Please,' the piece of string says to the other girl,'would you mind taking your comb and fluffing out the ends of my string?' so the girl obliges.
'Thank you' says the string and he turns around, goes back into the bar and immediately orders a drink again.
The barman looks at him quizzically and says' aren't you the piece of string that was in here a moment ago?'
'No' came the answer,' I'm a frayed knot.'

A string walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink.The bartender replies "I'm sorry, We don't serve strings"The string, angry, runs to the bathroom and ties himself up into knots until his ends are frayed.Then he walks back out and asks the bartender for a drink."Hey, aren't you the string I just talked to?" The bartender asks."Nope," Says the string, "I'm afraid not." (a frayed knot)

There were three strings that walked into the bar. They sat down and they didn't get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers. The bartender said, ''I'm sorry buddy we don't serve strings in here.'' The string walks back to the table and and tells his friends what the bartender said. ''I've been here before and gotten a drink, I'll go get us something to drink,'' said the second string. The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender says, ''I thought I told your buddy we don't serve strings in here.'' So the second string walks back and and tells his friends what has happened. The thrid string says ''Oh, I come in here all the time, I know how to order something to drink'' The third sting walks to the restroom where he ties himself up and muffs up his end. He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender kind of looks at him weird and says, ''You a string?'' more...

Two string beans were walking down the road when a car suddenly hit one of them. The other string bean picked up his friend and rushed him to the hospital.
After examining him, the doctor came into the waiting room and said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, your friend is going to live. The bad news is, he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life.

A man goes to a busy restaurant and sits down at the only empty table.
As he sits down, he accidentally knocks the spoon off the table with
his
elbow. The waiter immediately takes a spoon from his pocket and places
it on the table.
The man, impressed by the promptness of the service asks, "Do all the
waiters carry a spoon in their pockets?"
The waiter answers, "We had an efficiency expert evaluate our
operation and he determined that 25 percent of the customers knock the
spoon off their tables, and that by carrying a spare spoon on us, we
save a trip to the kitchen and can be much more efficient."
Later as the customer asked for his bill he remarks to another waiter,
"Excuse me, but why do you have a string hanging from your fly?"
The waiter answered, "The efficiency expert determined that we were
spending too much time washing our hands after we went to the
bathroom, so the more...

A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here." The string walks away a little upset and sits down with his friends. A few minutes later he goes back to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender, looking a little exasperated, says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve strings here." So the string goes back to his table. Then he gets an idea. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. Then he walks back up to the bar and orders a beer. The bartender squints at him and says, "Hey, aren't you a string?" And the string says, "Nope, I'm a frayed knot."