String Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man wants to buy a parrot so he goes to the local pet shop. There, he sees a parrot with a blue string tied to its right leg, and a red string tied to its left leg. The man asks the owner the significance of the strings.
"Well, this is a highly trained parrot," the owner explains. "If you pull the blue string, he speaks German and if you pull the red string, he speaks French."
"That's amazing," the man comments. "What happens if I pull both strings?"
"I fall off my perch, you fool!!" the parrot screeches.

Accent: An unusual manner of pronunciation, e. g. "Y`all sang that real good!"

Accidentals: Wrong notes

Ad Libitum: A premiere.

Agitato: A string player`s state of mind when a peg slips in the middle of a piece.

Agnus dei: A famous female church composer.

Allegro: Leg fertilizer.

Altered Chord: A sonority that has been spayed.

Atonality: Disease that many modern composers suffer from. The most prominent symptom is the patient`s lacking ability to make decisions.

Augmented fifth: A 36-ounce bottle.

Bar Line: A gathering of people, usually among which may be found a musician or two.

Beat: What music students to do each other with their musical instruments. The down beat is performed on the top of the head, while the up beat is struck under the chin.

Bravo: Literally, "How bold!" or "What nerve!" This is a spontaneous expression of more...

There were three strings that walked into the bar. They sat down and they didn't get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers. The bartender said, ''I'm sorry buddy we don't serve strings in here.'' The string walks back to the table and and tells his friends what the bartender said.
''I've been here before and gotten a drink, I'll go get us something to drink,'' said the second string. The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender says, ''I thought I told your buddy we don't serve strings in here.'' So the second string walks back and and tells his friends what has happened.
The thrid string says ''Oh, I come in here all the time, I know how to order something to drink'' The third sting walks to the restroom where he ties himself up and muffs up his end. He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender kind of looks at him weird and says, ''You a more...

Three pieces of string walked into a bar. The first piece of string went up to the bar and asked the barman "
Can i have three pints of beer please?"
The barman replied "
No sorry mate, we dont serve pieces of string."
So it went and sat back down and the second piece of string walked up to the bar and said to the barman "
Alright mate, can i have three pints of beer please?"
and the barman replied "
Look, sorry mate but we do not serve pieces of string"
So back it went to the table and the third piece of string stood up, tied himself on a knot and fraid the egdes. It walked up to the bar and said "
Can I have three pints of beer please?"
the barman said "
Are you a piece of string?"
and the piece of string replied "
No mate, i'm a fraid knot!!"

So the bus driver said to the string, "Are you a string?" and the string said, "No, Im afraid not". (A frayed knot).

This guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings.
"Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.
"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.
"I fall off my perch you fool!!" screeches the parrot.

"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."

One student replied:

"You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."

This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.

For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead more...