String Jokes / Recent Jokes

You know why there's a string on a tampon? So the crabs can bungee jump.

Q. What's red and blue with a long string?
A. A smurfette with her period.

How many string bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?
1)-None; the piano player can do that with his left hand.
2)-Don't bother... just leave it out. . no one will notice
3)-One. . but the guitarist has to show him first
4)-One. Five. One. Five...
5)-Six.. one to change it and the other five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light..

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon, and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters here carry spoons in their pockets?"
The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since an Efficiency Expert visited our restaurant... He determined that 17. 8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen."
The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?"
The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same Efficiency Expert determined that we spend to much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, do my more...

A man went into a pet shop to buy a parrot. He was shown an especially fine one which he liked the look of, but he was puzzled by the two strings which were tied to its feet. "What are they for?" he asked the pet shop manager. "Ah well, sir," came the reply, "thats a very unusual feature of this particular parrot. You see, hes a trained parrot, sir, he used to be in the circus. If you pull the string on his left foot he says Hello and if you pull the string on his left foot he says Goodbye." "And what happens if you pull both strings at once?" "I fall off my perch, you fool!" screeched the parrot.

This
guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees
a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and
a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner
the significance of the strings.
"Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you
pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull
the green string he speaks German," replies the
shop keeper.
"And what happens if I pull both the strings?"
our curious shopper inquires.
"I fall off my perch you fool!!" screeches
the parrot.

Two pieces of string walked into a bar and ordered a pint.' sorry' said the barman,' we don't serve pieces of string in here' and with that he threw the two pieces of string out. Outside, one of the pieces of string ruffeled himself up, tied himself in a loop and went back into the bar.'Are you one of those pieces of string I just threw out?' asked the barman.'No' replied the string,' I'm a frayed not'!