Strip Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals." Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning. Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it." Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies. Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars. Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween. Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her. Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, more...

Li'l Naturalist Hornet Farm. The Duncan Yo -- Goes down, never comes back.
Teaches children about warranties. 5, 200 Pick Up -- a jumbo deck of cards that lets kids
play a larger version of their favorite game. The "Learn About Puberty Chia Pet". Supersoaker 9000: For use on those hard to reach targets;
NFL referees, low flying planes, and many more. At close
range it can strip paint, clean rusty grills, and dig
utility trenches. The Laff-O-Minit Spellin' Tootor. Doggie Dentist -- Kids learn about dentistry on
the family pooch. Cuisin-Art -- Turns mommy's food processor into
a spinning paint tool. Water Retention Wanda -- Teaches kids the principles
of the calendar. Chocolate Covered Lead Soldiers. Islamic Strip Poker -- lose a hand, lose a hand.

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Dave, how ya doin? ”
His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh no, ” says Dave. “He’s on my bowling team. ”
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he’d like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, “You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser”.
“No, honey, she’s in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them. ”
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. “Hi Davey, ” she says, “Want your usual table dance? ”
Dave’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he more...

Most honorable sir: You leave house. He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
I fall out tree, not see.
NO FEE

Frequently, I get a strip of coupons or other
promotional items from a little printer at the
checkout of my local grocery.
Coupons emerge as a thank-you for purchasing a
product, or based on some other derived data.
Yesterday, after buying a couple pints of Ben &
Jerry's Ice Cream (my favorite bad-for-me snack
food), I got the following checkout coupons in
sequence:
Save 55c on Two(2) Pints Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream
Free High Cholesterol Survival Guide

I went to a strip mall the other day. Was I ever disappointed...Everybody else had on clothes.

I am reminded of how this
native went to his first cricket match and described it
to his witchdoctor after he got back. I heard it when
I was in college and have no idea where it originated.
He said, ''It was a beautiful sunny Sunday. A big
crowd of people gathered around this giant grass field
with a thin strip of mowed and flattened pitch in the middle.
There were three sticks at either end of the strip.
A man in a long overcoat came out with two men in sweaters
and he tossed a coin in to the air. They went out and out
came eleven men in sweaters and white pants. One of them was padded
and had big gloves. Then out came two men with pads on their legs
and small gloves holding big sticks. They took positions at
either end of the strip and one of the other men came running
towards the wickets and threw this ball at the person holding
the stick. And lo and behold it started to pour.
''White man sure knows how to make rain.''