Substance Jokes / Recent Jokes

MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET Workplace Hazardous Materials InformationSystem ----------------------------------------------------------------------Substance: Woman Manufacturer: God Typical Size: Average weight 115lbs.; specimens can vary from 90 to over 200 lbs. Occurrence: Largequantities found in urban areas and shopping malls. PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: --------------------1. Surface Tension--soft and warm. 2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced. 3. Boils at nothing. 4. Freezes without reason. 5. Melts with special reason. 6. Flavor initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly. 7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to commonore. 8. Yields to pressure applied to specific points. 9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age. 10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance toreproduce with marked physical and mental changes. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES: --------------------1. Has affinity for gold, silver, and precious stones. 2. Absorbs great more...

Workplace Hazardous materials Information System
Substance: Women
Chemical system: Wow
Manufacturer: God
Typical Size: Average weight 115 lbs; specimens can vary from 90 to 200 lbs.
Occurrence: Large quantities found in urban areas and shopping malls.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Surface Tension - Soft and warm
2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced.
3. Boils at nothing.
4. Freezes without reason.
5. Melts with special reason.
6. Flavour initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.
7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to common ore.
8. Yields to pressure applied at certain points.
9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.
10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance to reproduce with marked physical and mental changes.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Has affinity for gold, silver and precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantity of expensive more...

I invented a substance that can eat through anything, but I can't find a place to store it.

MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET Workplace Hazardous Materials InformationSystem
Substance: Woman Manufacturer: God Typical Size: Average weight 115lbs.; specimens can vary from 90 to over 200 lbs. Occurrence: Largequantities found in urban areas and shopping malls.PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface Tension-soft and warm.2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced.3. Boils at nothing.4. Freezes without reason.5. Melts with special reason.6. Flavor initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to commonore.8. Yields to pressure applied to specific points.9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance toreproduce with marked physical and mental changes.CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has affinity for gold, silver, and precious stones.2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.3. Highly volatile for reasons not clearly understood.4. Verbal activity greatly more...

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a secluded, rural area of the state. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on his plate and he questioned his grandfather, "Are these plates clean?"
His grandfather replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal."
That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of this plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yolks. So he asked again, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"
Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather says, "I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them, now don't ask me about it anymore!"
Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get dinner in a nearby town. As he was leaving, Grandfather's dog started to more...

The Lions practice was postponed today after one of the players found an unusual, white substance on the field. FBI field agents were quickly sent in to examine. After extensive research, the substance was found to be the endzone. Practice was then continued, the goverment sure that the Lions would never see it again.

The Cincinnati Bengals' football practice was delayed today for several hours after one of the players noticed a suspicious-looking, unknown, white, powdery substance on the playing field. Head coach Marvin Lewis immediately suspended practice, and the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed after special agents determined that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.