Succeed Jokes / Recent Jokes
Sayings you'd like to see on office inspirational posters
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If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.
If you think we're a bad firm, you should see our rivals!
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings -- they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
ABANDON ALL HOPE, YE WHO ENTER HERE.....
2 days without a Human Rights Violation!
If at first you don't succeed - try management.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
Never quit until you have another job.
Work harder you slaves!
The beatings will continue more...
17. There is no "I" in "teamwork." But there is in "management kiss-up." 16. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday. 15. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. 14. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG 14 times gives you job security. 13. If you think we're a bad company, you should see the competition. 12. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings--they did it by killing all those who oppose them. 11. We put the "k" in "kwality." 10. 2 days without a human rights violation. 9. Your job is STILL better than asking, "You want fries with that?" 8. We build great products when we feel like it and don't have any reason to call in sick. 7. If at first you don't succeed, try management. 6. Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself. 5. The beatings will continue until morale improves. 4. more...
Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day. The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine. As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?" "Head up," said the doctor. "Blindfold or no blindfold?" "No blindfold." So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free. Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine. "Head up or head down?" said the executioner. "Head up." "Blindfold or no blindfold?" "No blindfold." So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped an inch above the more...
If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it`s not $19. 95.
If anything can go wrong, it will.
If anything is used to its full potential, it will break.
If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
If at first you don`t succeed, blame it on your supervisor.
If at first you don`t succeed, cheat!
If at first you don`t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Top Ten Inspirational Sayings We'd Like to See at the Nurse's Station
10. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
9. If at first you don't succeed... try management.
8. TEAMWORK means never having to take all the blame yourself.
7. Hang in there.... retirement is only 35 years away!
6. Go the extra mile... it makes your supervisor look incompetent.
5. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
4. Administration... we waste time so you don't have to.
3. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
2. A person who smiles in the face of adversity, probably has a scapegoat.
1. Succeed in spite of Administration.
If at first you don`t succeed, give up. No use being a stupid fool.
If at first you don`t succeed, redefine success.
If at first you don`t succeed, skydiving is not your sport.
If at first you don`t succeed, transform your dataset.
If at first you don`t succeed, try something else.
If at first you don`t succeed, well... darn.
If at first you don`t succeed, you probably didn`t really care anyway.
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
If at first you don`t succeed, you`re doing about average.
If at first you don`t succeed, your successor will.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
Good girls get fat, bad girls get eaten.
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Born free... taxed to death.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A cat almost always blinks when hit in the head with a ball peen hammer.
There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
The early bird may get the worm, more...