Successful Jokes / Recent Jokes

Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call. The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He`s so successful, in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."
The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He`s so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."
The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.
As the fourth man arrives more...

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him A little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and Not try to understand her at more...

A highly successful executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and died. She arrived in heaven where she was met by God.

"Welcome to heaven," said God. "Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. Strangely enough, we've never once had an executive make it this far and we're not really sure what to do with you."

"No problem God, just let me in." said the woman.

God replied, "What we're going to do is let you spend a day in hell and a day in heaven and then you can choose where you want to spend an eternity."

God put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends – fellow executives that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran more...

If you threw a party, the worst thing you could have done was throw the kind of party where your guests, the next day, call you up to say they had a nice time. Now you'll be expected to throw another great party next year.What you should have done was throw the kind of party where your guests wake up several days from now and call their lawyers to find out if they've been indicted for anything. You want your guests to be so anxious to avoid a recurrence of your party that they immediately start planning parties of their own, a year in advance, just to prevent you from having another one. So next time, make sure your party reaches the correct Festivity Level: Festivity Level One:Your guests are chatting amiably with each other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, singing carols around the upright piano, sipping at their drinks and nibbling at hors d'oeuvres. Festivity Level Two:Your guests are talking loudly-sometimes to each other and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your more...

I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary? ”
She said, “Somewhere I have never been! ”
I told her, “How about the kitchen? ”


“We always hold hands; because when I let go, She shops. ”
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it will always be yours.
If it doesn’t come back, it was never yours to begin with.
BUT, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and doesn’t appear to realize that you had set it free, you either married it, or gave birth to it.
A Successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden.
Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling. But I don’t have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t married more...

Marriage Quotes 5
Love, you can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun. - George Bernard Shaw
One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: "Give little, give seldom, and above all, give grudgingly." Otherwise, what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust. - Ruth Smythers, Marriage advice for women, 1894
I'd like to get married because I like the idea of a man being required by law to sleep with me every night. - Carrie Snow
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher... and that is a good thing for any man. - Socrates
Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman. - Herbert Spencer
Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, more...

Two old friends met one day after many years. One attended college, and now was very successful. The other had not attended college and never had much ambition. The successful one said, "How has everything been going with you?" "Well, one day I opened the Bible at random, and dropped my finger on a word and it was oil. So, I invested in oil, and boy, did the oil wells gush. Then another day I dropped my finger on another word and it was gold. So, I invested in gold and those mines really produced. Now, I'm as rich as Rockefeller." The successful friend was so impressed that he rushed to his hotel, grabbed a Gideon Bible, flipped it open, and dropped his finger on a page. He opened his eyes and his finger rested on the words, "."