Sue Jokes / Recent Jokes

How many country and western singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four: one to change it; one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one; one to sing about how madly in love she is with the new one; and one to go "Yeeeee-Haw!" and throw his hat in the air.
How many armies does it take to change a light bulb?
At least six: the Germans to start it; the French to give up really easily after only trying for a little while; the Italians to make a start, get nowhere, and then run away;: the English to stand firm back home but not get anywhere near the bulb; the Americans to turn up late, finish it off and take all the credit; and the Swiss to pretend nothing out of the ordinary is happening.
How many members of parliament does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty-one: one to change it and twenty to take a six-week fact finding trip to the Bahamas to learn more about how it`s done.
How many lawyers does it take to change a more...

An engineer dies, and, instead of going to heaven, as he is slated to do, he winds up in hell. About a week later, God calls Satan up to talk.

"I hear there's been some kind of mistake," God says. "You need to send the engineer back."

"I don't think it's a mistake," says Satan. "In one week, everything is working better. We've even got air conditioning."

"Look, it isn't meant to be. Don't make me sue you..."

"Sue me?" says Satan to God. "And where do you think you are going to get a lawyer?"

Sue and Sally meet at their 30th class reunion, and they haven't seen each other since graduation. They begin to talk and bring each other up to date. The conversation covers their husbands, their children, homes, etc and finally gets around to their sex lives.

Sue says "It's OK. We get it on every week or so but it's no big adventure, how's yours?"

Sally replies "It's just great, ever since we got into S&M."

Sue is aghast. "Really Sally, I never would have guessed that you would go for that."

"Oh, sure," says Sally, "He snores while I masturbate."

"You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever
see a smart woman with a dumb guy." -- Erica Jong
"My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We
can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives." -- Rita Rudner
"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm
not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde." -- Dolly Parton
"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog." --
Wendy Liebman
"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth to." --
Erma Bombeck
"If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them." --
Sue Grafton
"I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew
hair under my arms instead." -- Sue Kolinsky
"I think -- therefore I'm single." -- Lizz Winstead
"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. more...

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years. Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides. Bob would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars."

The years went pay, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it's free to watch, let's at least watch. And once he got there the feeling become real strong. Sue and Bob started an arguement.

The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem, and said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you back one sound, you pay ten dollars.

So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could--heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admited defeat and went more...

Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband kept under their bed.
The box had been there for the past 20 years of their marriage but she had never invaded his privacy. One day, while cleaning, she decided to take a look in the box. She didn't figure it was anything he was hiding since she could have looked at it any other time but hadn't.
In the box she found 3 eggs and 10 thousand dollars. This seemed very strange so she went to Fred and asked, "Why are there 3 eggs in a box under our bed?"
He replied, "Well, every time I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the box." Sue was surprised and hurt that he had been unfaithful but she consoled herself with the fact that they had been married for over 20 years and he had only been unfaithful 3 times.
"But where did the 10 thousand dollars come from?" she asked.
"Well, every time I got a dozen, I sold it."

It had to happen sooner or later. Lawyer Dobbins was wheeled into the emergency room on a stretcher, rolling his head in agony. Doctor Green came over to see him.
"Dobbins," he said, "What an honor. The last time I saw you was in court when you accused me of malpractice."
"Doc. Doc. My side is on fire. The pain is right here. What could it be?"
"How would I know? You told the jury I wasn't fit to be a doctor."
"I was only kidding, Doc. When you represent a client you don't know what you're saying. Could I be passing a kidney stone?"
"Your diagnosis is as good as mine."
"What are you talking about?"
"When you questioned me on the stand you indicated you knew everything there was to know about the practice of medicine."
"Doc, I'm climbing the wall. Give me something."
"Let's say I give you something for a kidney stone and it turns out to be a more...