Suicide Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once, Isaac Newton came to India and happened to watch a few Tamil movies. The poor man ended up being terribly confused about the validity of the various laws of physics that he had discovered.
Here are a few scenes from the movies that he watched.
1)Rajanikanth has a brain tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long live Rajanikanth!!!
2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.
3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth more...

A man walks into the libary and asks the woman if they had any books on suicide.
she said..
"yes we did, but funny enough none of the people who took them never brought them back"

Banta and his wife, Preeto were shocked when Preeto's doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again-the strain would be too much.
So Banta and Preeto reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however, and Banta decides he'd better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation.
This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs-Preeto is coming downstairs, and Banta is heading up.
"Honey, I have a confession to make," Preeto says, her voice quavering. "I was about to commit suicide."
"I'm glad to hear it, sweetie," Banta says, "Because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!"

Did you hear about the two females who were watching a blonde walk by? The first one said, "I wonder whether she's a natural blonde or a bleached blonde."
Her friend said, "She's a suicide blonde."
The other said, "Suicide blonde? What's that?"
The friend said, "Dyed by her own hand!"

There once was a man who had been in a depressed state for months. His dog that he'd had since childhood ran away, his fianc

Banta joins the suicide bomber squad, so when he is given a mission to suicide in the enemies camp. His leader supply him a lot of weapons and bombs stacked to his body and mobile for communications.
He lands up in the enemy's camp, called his boss: Sir, there are 2 enemies soldier, can I suicide now?
Leader: No, not for two, wait till you see more soldiers.
Banta: Sir now there are 25 can I do it now?
Boss: Wait for more.
Banta: Sir, now I am in a midst of 100 soldiers, can I suicide now?
Boss: Yes, go ahead, you will be a martyr, don't worry about your family, we will look after.
Banta pulls his knife and stabs himself in his chest.

One day there was a 97 year old woman, who wanted to commit suicide but unfortunately she did not know where her heart was.
So the old woman calls up her doctor and asked,''Where's my heart located?''
' 'On a woman, it's usually located under her left breast,'' the doctor replied.
The next day the woman was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with a gun shot wound to the knee.